1 week Ago By BuzzFeed
Whether you've thought about it consciously or not (and you identify as a woman!), odds are you followed "girl code" before. This unwritten, unspoken code is essentially women's way to have each other's backs, be supportive of one another, and avoid unnecessary drama. Like, for instance, not allowing a crush on the same guy to cause tension between you and your friend.
Or, dropping a little "hey girly" message into someone's DMs if you know her boyfriend is cheating. It's essentially the rule book for being a girl's girl. Girl code, however, is not without its faults.
Sometimes, the line gets blurred between not causing friend drama and actively making bad decisions just so your besties aren't mad at you. Recently, u/ Individual_Taste_426 sparked a conversation about this over on Reddit, asking , "Women of Reddit, what is one part of girl code you don't like?" I've gotta say, some of these answers are making me see things in a whole new light. So, let's talk about it: 1.
"'Girls supporting girls' does not mean supporting women who do shitty things. Criticizing someone who does shitty things because they do shitty things is not misogynistic just because that person is a woman. That's ridiculous.
" — infinite_five 2. "The whole 'siblings are off-limits' thing. If one of my friends wanted to date my brother and he wanted to date her, I have zero business in telling them what they can or can’t do.
It’s so controlling and selfish to tell them they can’t see each other." — WileyWine 3. "I don't like how being close friends with a female friend's boyfriend is automatically 'sketchy.
' If you can't trust your best friend around your boyfriend, you should drop that friend, anyway. And if you don't trust the boyfriend around the friend..
.dump him!" — Lady_Louise97 4. "That you can’t be close with both girls in a conflict.
It just puts you in a weird spot to choose sides. Sometimes, it's totally cool to be friends with both and just support each one without getting involved in the drama." — Designer-Survey4356 "I won’t take sides if it’s just petty interpersonal stuff, but I will if one of them seriously wronged the other.
" — goldandjade 5. That you're expected to defend your friend and their wrongdoings just because you're friends. "If you did something messed up, I’m not going to pretend I support you just because we’re friends.
" — goldandjade "Exactly. I had a (now former) friend who was stalking a guy complain that he called her a stalker. I told her she had no right to be mad, because she was stalking him.
She got mad at me for 'taking his side.'" — Marauder424 6. That kissing female friends "doesn't count.
" "A lot of girl groups fetishize wlw or queer women, writing them off as a joke and kissing their straight friends for male audiences like it’s somehow funny? I’ve been the victim of these kinds of girls in bars, and it makes me really uncomfortable." — Gingerpyscho94 7. "Girl code says you don't ask a woman her age.
Why are women so embarrassed by their ages? Just tell me your age, it's not that hard, and it's not an offensive question, damn." — ASingleLetterC "I've never understood that. I'll tell anyone who asks that I'm 48 because I've made it through 48 years, and I'm still here, and I'm proud of that.
" — Kalamac 8. "That I'm a 'pick me' if I don't support your irrational delusions about a guy." — tobeornottobe-222 "I'm in one of those 'Are we dating the same guy?' groups on social media (mostly for the drama, to see if anyone I know shows up.
Only one so far was my cousin! LOL), but ladies will post bland ass shit like, 'He stopped texting me randomly at 8 p.m., then texted this morning that he fell asleep, does this seem fishy?' And at least half the comments are like, 'Girl, he's cheating.
' One person was like, 'This dude asked me out on a date at 11 p.m. on a Sunday night! No sir, blocked!' People were piling in on it, and I was like, 'Damn, maybe he works overnight, and that's normal for him!' I work overnight and will frequently text people at midnight, then be like, 'Oh shit! They are probably sleeping!'" — mandicapped 9.
"I’m a lesbian, and I find some women are completely willing to admit a friend’s male ex did something shitty, but if a woman were talking about a female ex who did the same thing, they’d be more willing to try and justify the ex’s actions. I think this ties into the 'women supporting all women' mentality, but at the same time, it hurts me as a woman to have my experiences minimized like that." "My ex transitioned after we broke up, and I started calling them my ex-boyfriend if I referred to them.
It was an eye-opening experiment. If I said, 'My ex-boyfriend belittled my degree,' it got a lot more sympathy than saying 'My ex-girlfriend' did the same thing.'" — ZeeepZoop "Recently, my female friend talked to me about some drama she had with another woman from work.
That lady was literally stalking and gaslighting her, talking bad about her behind her back, and spreading rumors. My friend said, 'Damn if she were a man, I would've talked to the police like two weeks ago already!' Like, what do you mean??? Do you not get what you just said??" — Nothammer 10. That you're supposed to dress according to some unspoken dress code.
..or get supremely judged for misreading it.
"I hate that internal struggle when you’ve been invited to a group outing, and you are subtly trying to figure out if everyone else is going to show up looking fabulous or dressed comfortably. 'Is this a normal clothes outing? Or do I have to dress to impress?' And if you choose wrong, the side-eye of judgment!" — AGirlDoesNotCare 11. "Having to have that fake/forced positivity and over-the-top friendliness.
It makes me feel weird." — GirlWhatTheFrick "Never picked up this 'girl skill' myself. It feels weird to me, too, usually in the sense that they're patronizing me.
Like, I'm apparently supposed to match the fakeness and pretend I don't know we're both being super fake, like we're on a stage doing theatre for God's amusement or something? Who is this performance even for? Whyyy, lol." — Lady_DreadStar "Forced bubbliness and using uptick voices, too. I sometimes get perceived as cold/distant because I have more of a flat inflection.
" — zaweri 12. "That all girls are friends because of the 'bond of womanhood.'" — MbMinx 13.
"I don't want to go to the bathroom in groups. I just want to pee. I don't want to chat.
I want to do my business, wash my hands, and GTFO." — Embarrassed-Land-222 14. Having to tolerate your friend's boyfriend's bullshit.
"Don’t expect me to accept your partner’s behavior just because you do." — Mylittlemoonshine 15. And finally, "If one person doesn’t get along with ONE member of the group, we all have to isolate her.
It’s such a cliquey high school bully mentality. That we're supposed to make her feel like she isn’t welcome just because one person doesn't like them. If she’s a bad person, fair enough.
But usually, there’s petty reasoning behind it. If you don’t like this person, fair enough, but if I’ve got no beef with them? It’s a YOU problem." — Gingerpyscho94 OK, I'm genuinely so curious.
Do you agree with these takes? Are there any "girl code" rules you think are way outdated or way out of line? If so, tell us about them in the comments below! Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity..
