When a goodbye turns eternal!

There are times in our lives when a temporary going-away becomes a permanent going away into a place where mortals never meet, and where no one is certain of which side of the eternal divide one would be when the ‘trump sounds and the end comes! That is, that ‘bye for now’ becomes a bye forever, an eternal goodbye because the voyager slipped into the abyss without notice, without a warning, and we catch ourselves saying ‘how I wish I had handled things differently’, and regret things undone or not properly done, and we mourn for a while and move on as if nothing happened! It is the way of man, this! Ironically, there is a mocking halo of ignorance at this leave-taking ritual, this parting of ways, leaving for the office, traveling to see one’s parents or relations, returning home after a routine visit, or going to the mall for a bit of shopping, when fate knows that there will not be another meeting, there will not be a return. A family is currently dealing with a situation in which a 78-year-old grandmother succumbed to death while they were preparing to bury her 141-year-old mother next week! What explanation do you give? What are the levels of goodbye? Who do you say goodbye to first? Who said goodbye to her while her children were preparing to bury her aged mother? Indeed, as Marcus Aurelius once said, “you could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think!’’ Sometimes, this leave-taking is as dramatic as stepping into the bathroom in one’s home for a bath and hitting the head on a stone or the bathtub! Or when one collapses during home prayers or while giving a sermon or while walking to the car after a lecture.

Or, when there is a fatal car or air crash. At such moments, the haplessness of man becomes evident. One minute alive, the next minute gone! And for Muslims before sundown, that bubbling, vibrant brother, sister, or friend is in the grave.



How poignant! How instructive! Often when we meet and part ways, it is casual, routine, and taken-for-granted that there will certainly be another meeting. This is especially so when there was no known illness, short or protracted. This is a demonstration of how infinitesimal we are in the scheme of things.

Our take-off point is ignorance. Our existence is predicated only on what we know about the past and the contemporary. The future is blank.

We are shut out of that which is to come. How arrogant would man be if he could successfully and continuously prognosticate on future occurrences! So, when a loved one says ‘bye’ after a visit, after a call, or when you meet accidentally at an event, a family event, it is important to show a presence of mind, treasure it, for, you never know, it could be the last meeting or words ever spoken between you. In the hustle and bustle of life, we never stop to reflect on the transient nature of man.

Buddha says: “impermanence is the fundamental nature of all things!” It is true that if we were to dwell on or reflect on our mortality every minute of the day, life would be dull, boring, and morbid, and we would be zombies in a paradise of fools. How debilitating it would be to be conscious of the fear of death while we eat, play, sleep, work, entertain throughout our lives! The spontaneity and joy of living would vanish in a puff. Yet, as the ancient Greek philosophers said, ‘Man, Know thyself!’ Life is for the living.

Not the dead. The dead stay dead. If we kill our spirit while we have life in us, then we are indebted to the Creator for foolishness.

The grace of being alive compels living life to the fullest though with humility of spirit and respect for the eternal values of creation. Those who offend the values of life have the day of judgment to contend with. How wrong would they be when finally, they confront the Judge of the universe.

Those entrusted with leadership positions and fail to promote eternal values will harvest the consequences of their deeds. Why is there so much bile and vile behaviour in the world? Why has life become so cheap that even teenagers take life of fellow human beings? Why are human beings butchered and their body parts sold in the market of body parts? Let every meeting therefore be relished, savored, and enjoyed. That meeting with your sibling or friend or co-worker could be the last.

We bear burdens, burdens which sometimes we never disclose to those we meet routinely during our everyday lives. Some burdens burst the heart when we arrive home or when we embark on an innocuous activity. Even a blood clot that gets to the heart could end the journey of the wayfarer.

Recently, too many people have taken leave of Earth suddenly. A man in apparently relatively good health leaves his house and does not return. Despaired people take the suicide route.

Accidents, man-made and natural. Sudden illnesses. Believers are urged to move closer to God because ‘the end of all things is at hand; be ye therefore sober and watch unto prayer.

’ Moving closer to God will not prevent death, sudden or gradual. It could only mean that one is in harmony with God when the grim reaper comes. That meeting with your friend or brother or father may well be the last.

Our eyes have been shut from the power of such knowledge. I last saw my younger sibling who passed away in March at a funeral in 2022. We took a photograph.

We both wore broad smiles! I had no way of knowing that was the last handshake. With the telephone, even video calls, we closed distances. Or so we thought.

It turned out that we were wrong. Nothing replaces the warmth of a heartfelt meeting. Eghagha is a professor of English Literature and Literary Analysis at the University of Lagos.

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