1 week Ago By USA TODAY
You and your best friend are close. Like, text each other all day, debrief after every party, make faces at each other across the room kind of close. But do you ever hug? "The better the friendship , the fewer the hugs," a TikTok user asserted in a viral video with more than 1.
1 million views. "I don't know anyone who hugs their best friends. It's a thing.
" Is that actually true? Friendship and mental health professionals say the answer likely comes down to a person's preferences. "Every relationship needs pleasant emotions where we feel loved, cared for, supported and seen," says Shasta Nelson , social relationships expert and author. "Which pleasant emotions, and how we foster them we look different in different relationships.
" Did you see? Why groups of 3 are a friendship nightmare 'The connection takes a different shape' Some friends likely hug all the time, and others never do. There's nothing wrong with either scenario. "It’s respecting whether someone wants hugs or not without trying to force things on them," says Raquel Martin , licensed clinical psychologist.
Nelson hugs her girlfriends longer and snuggles with them on the couch. They're also who she's grabbing to join her on the dance floor. "I would typically say that the closer we are to people the more comfortable we can be expressing love," she says, "and that includes physical affection.
" Just because someone doesn't like hugging doesn't mean being friends with them is somehow less meaningful. "It just means the connection takes a different shape, perhaps through shared interests, reliable emotional support or gestures of kindness," says Luis Cornejo , licensed marriage and family therapist. Every relationship looks different because people are different.
"Some of our relationships will include a lot of laughter and humor, whereas others might include a lot of gratitude and inspiration," Nelson adds. The same goes for physical touch; it may depend on someone's love language . "My sister is not a big physical touch person," Nelson adds, "so we laugh about it when I’m giving her a big hug.
And I happen to know that I can best love her by doing acts of service. A goal is to both give to each each other as we can, when we can." Physical affection is not the be-all-end-all of any relationship.
"A great friendship doesn’t have to rely on one particular form of connection," Cornejo says, "it’s more about how the people involved feel respected, seen, and supported." Heads up: When you 'stop running from it' and know you’ve outgrown your friend group Respect 'someone's personal bubble' Like many relationship issues , the only way to reach an understanding is by sharing your feelings. "I’d recommend discussing what you like or don’t like," Martin says.
"With children I often have these conversations about respecting someone’s personal bubble and how some people’s bubbles are bigger than others and you ask first when it comes to hugs or any touch for that matter." Cornejo suggests a non-hugger friend say something like this: "I’m not really a hugger, but I love spending time together," or perhaps "I prefer high-fives or just a smile" or "I feel closer when we have long chats." That way everyone understands what works for them.
And if you're a "hugger," take the temperature of a room before a potential boundary clash. "From there, they can meet in the middle, showing affection in ways that feel good to both people, rather than following a one-size-fits-all approach," Cornejo adds. This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Relationship advice: The truth about friendships and hugging.
