The answer is 'no' if you don't ask

When my son is hesitant to ask a question, I remind him that the answer is always “no” if you don’t ask. I understand not wanting to ask questions. Sometimes people seem annoyed when you ask them.

But we aren’t responsible for other people’s responses even when they’re uncomfortable. They’re allowed to be annoyed, and we’re allowed to ask questions. Because if you don’t ask, you won’t know.

Even though I know how to ask questions, and I know I need to ask them, it can still be intimidating. Early on in the first semester of my Anatomy & Physiology class, I avoided asking questions. But, as I got to know the professor, I realized he wanted us to ask questions.

So I did. I started by asking questions in the lab, which was a laid-back setting. Then, I started chiming in during the larger, more formal lecture.

And, guess what? It was a little stressful, but I found out what I needed to know. When I got clarification on a topic I didn’t understand, the whole class benefited. It’s easy to make assumptions.

We do it all of the time. We assume we know the answer without ever posing the question. We assume the professor doesn’t want to be bothered.

We assume someone is too busy to help. We assume people think things — good or bad — and we can’t confirm our thoughts unless we ask. We assume it’s too late.

We assume the answer is no. But, we don’t know for sure unless we ask. We don’t know who is happy to help if we don’t ask them for help.

We don’t know how a friend is doing unless we ask and listen to what they say. Asking questions helps us to connect and to understand each other better. Questions are an invitation to share and to go deeper.

If we don’t ask what’s important to our partner, we won’t find out. If we don’t ask what a friend needs, we can’t help them. Similarly, we might not understand ourselves, if we don’t ask ourselves questions, If we don’t ask ourselves what we want, how can we dream about it and go for it? If we don’t ask ourselves what we need to feel good, how will we know to do those things? Even though I’m a journalist and a coach, I’m still amazed at how impactful a single question can be.

A question can invite someone to tell you a story from their life. Or it can give them a chance to say something they need to say. You don’t need formal training to ask helpful questions.

You just need to take a moment to realize what you need and want to know. Then, you just need a moment of bravery to ask the question and patience to wait for the answer. Joanna Zaremba is a writer, yoga teacher, and movement and mindset coach.

She helps her clients to trust themselves and their bodies. Joanna has lived in the Pikes Peak Region since 2011 and can be reached at [email protected] .

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