2 weeks Ago
The headline above is a lyric from a song by my favorite band, the BoDeans. The songwriters who came up with that message weren’t philosophers or behavioral scientists, but their words tell me that nothing worthwhile comes to you for free. To receive something of value, you need to make an effort to contribute something of yourself.
In a simple business transaction, you must present a form of payment to receive the merchandise or service you wanted. To reserve time on a game in a video arcade, you need to deposit the necessary coins or tokens. To shake another person’s hand, you have to present your own hand for such an event to take place.
There are even more profound aspects of life where you need to offer something in order to receive something in return. Take kindness, for example. The kindness you offer others most often leads to that kindness being appreciated and then being returned.
Simply holding a door open for someone will briefly allow you to see a side of them that they generally reserve for family and friends — and it’s a side of them you’re shown that serves as a reward for the kindness you offered. Give and you shall receive, says the Bible. In Hinduism, karma teaches that giving leads to receiving.
Decency displayed in any form to anyone nearly always makes the person offering it feel an uplifting sense of self-worth. And just about everyone can use a helping hand now and then. Blanche DuBois (from “A Streetcar Named Desire”) isn’t the only one who’s “always depended on the kindness of strangers.
” We should all be willing to offer occasional kindness to others, whether we know them or not. And someday, it may be you who benefits from the kind act of a stranger during your own time of need. Other forms of giving that offer positive personal satisfaction include volunteering, visiting the sick, making donations to a food pantry, sending notes of condolence, showing affection and offering forgiveness.
Extending a form of concern to others, whether it be through compassion, empathy or sympathy, lets them know that their pain or distress is something you’ve noticed, understand and care about. Making a generous donation to a legitimate charity, paying the toll for the car behind you in line at a tollbooth, or surprising someone by paying for their groceries in a checkout line are all examples of the type of kindness that can benefit you as much (or more) than the person your gesture was intended to help. Thanking a military person, a police officer or a first-responder for their service is something that should be done — and seen — much more than it is.
We can appreciate such heroes after they’ve done the jobs they were trained to do, but it’s also a show of appreciation to thank them before their next opportunity to step into the line of fire. We sometimes forget how fortunate we are to have such people living and working among us who are ready to risk much for the good of us all. The concept of Paying It Forward is something that should be taught in schools.
The act of offering unsolicited kindness to others is the direct and positive opposite of revenge, payback, retribution and an-eye-for-an-eye thinking. Paying It Forward fosters goodwill and increased harmony, while angry vengeance can turn potential friends into long-term enemies. To harvest a bountiful crop, you must first plant the necessary seeds.
To see the growth of your money, you must first make the necessary investment. To enjoy the rewards of friendship, you must first be a friend yourself. As the song tells us, you don’t get much without giving.
With regard to religion, some look for atonement from a deity by offering material possessions as an act of worship. Others voluntarily contribute one-tenth of their income in order to receive heavenly forgiveness for their sins. Peace of mind through giving can be achieved in a variety of ways.
You can’t behave for anyone else, but you can always behave in a way that shows the best side of yourself — and that can be contagious. Why not make an effort to stand as a good example for others? Behave in an admirable way and then hope to see other people following your lead. Be the kind of person your dog thinks you are.
People will always have their differences, and it’s unlikely that we’ll ever have a perfect world, but you can only do your best. That’s all you have to give and you can never do any better than that. And to quote the BoDeans one last time, if everyone did their best to give their best, “ain’t this what dreams are made of?” Terry Masek, of Moline, is an occasional columnist for this newspaper.
Get opinion pieces, letters and editorials sent directly to your inbox weekly!.
