1 day Ago By Robert Moran
Look at any Hollywood red carpet these days, and you’ll see them valiantly on display: men’s legs. Thighs bulging like pink cold-packed gammon; red kneecaps grinding tectonically; inky tendrils curling all the way down like cobwebs on a ghost gum. And this is just Paul Mescal’s legs I’m talking about.
Pedro Pascal has done it. And Jacob Elordi. Wicked star Jonathan Bailey, too.
In the northern hemisphere, 2024 marked the “summer of the slutty shorts”, where short-shorts became acceptable – fashionably forward, even – evening wear for grown-ass men. As someone who wears jeans to the beach, I don’t like this. As far as summer trends go, Paul Mescal’s shorts must die.
Credit: Sydney Morning Herald This is not a tirade against men’s legs. Some people like men’s legs. UFC fans, for example.
Suffragettes fought valiantly for Paul Mescal’s right to playfully unsheathe his thighs. Rather, this is a tirade in defence of aesthetics and standards. Sorry, but shorts are for kids and slobs – Adam Sandler , obviously, excepted – and you can’t convince me otherwise.
“Mate, what about the hot weather?” you’re probably thinking, as you glance down at your Hard Yakkas (or whatever) and question your life choices. Please, weather is no excuse. As if that barely perceptible summer breeze bouncing along your shins is reducing your internal body temperature.
Fan yourself with a street pamphlet, have an iced matcha: there are other ways to stay cool beyond removing your pants. Also, if weather defines all your wardrobe choices, then we’re in more trouble than I imagined. I thought the greatest danger from climate change was a burning planet, but turns out we’ll also have to navigate a near-future where men publicly walk around in just their underpants yelling, “What? It’s hot!” Like most horrible things, the blame lies with the military and/or sports.
It was during WWII, when colonialist soldiers were serving in tropical locales, that shorts first became popularised beyond schoolboys. I don’t know about you but, as a pacifist, I can’t endorse the efficiency of wartime killing machines. Shorts? More like “killing pants”.
Rene Lacoste, perfectly dressed for sport. Credit: AP And while Paul Mescal has even traced back his trend-setting fancy shorts to his longtime fondness for wearing “rugby shorts”, there once was a wonderful time when sports clothing was slick rather than merely functional. In the 1920s, a tennis star like Rene Lacoste would hit balletic drop shots in a tucked-in polo, slacks with a belt, a hat, and dress shoes.
These days, you see rugby league players getting their dirty shorts dakked 15 times a game. You call this progress?.
