2 weeks Ago
Dear Eric: We hardly ever see my son, daughter-in-law and 8-year-old grandson. Their time is very skewed to-ward my daughter in-law's family. We get along very well with my daughter in-law's parents, and we consider ourselves friends.
But it very clearly seems we are not on any of their brain waves. We had a discussion about it a few years ago and they were surprised and apologetic that we felt so left out. They had promised to make a better effort at getting together but nothing really changed.
I've taken it upon myself to call every so often and invite them over or offer to take my grandson out for the day, but they're always booked up with other activities. I've made sure not to be the kind of mother/mother-in-law that constantly nags their kids that they don't visit enough. So far, I know I get to see them Christmas Eve, Easter and Thanksgiving.
I don't know what to do. It's really getting to us. To the point that I just want to move to another state so I'm not around to be left out.
— Neglected Grandmother Dear Grandmother: Let's assume the best and chalk a lot of this up to your son and daughter in-law being caught up with the demands of life and parenting a little one. I know it probably feels personal (and only getting to see them on the three holidays seems low for people who live nearby). But try to put that feeling aside for the time being.
You should talk to them about this again but frame the conversation around working together to see each other more. Maybe you'd like to see them once a month. Ask how that might be possible with their schedules.
Tell them you can do the legwork. Perhaps it's by babysitting or attending one of your grandson's activities with them. I worry that the logistics of visiting you have become complicated.
That's not your fault, but you may have to take an extra step to correct it. Dear Eric: I do not have a very active social life, and I am trying to improve it. Sometimes I will invite someone to something and on the day of, they will call me and say, "Sorry, I cannot make it, is that OK?" This question confuses me.
What exactly is "OK?" I cannot force them to honor the commitment. However, I am always disappointed when people bail on me, so no, I do not think that it is particularly "OK." I usually respond with "Have a nice evening.
" And the person is likely to sigh. If this is over text, they might send a cringing emoji. I think "have a nice evening" is a perfectly fine response.
Anyone who gets flaked on would be disappointed, and I do not think that flakers have a right to expect the people who flake on them to say that they are perfectly happy with it. Is there a better way of handling this situation? — OK Not Being OK Dear OK: It sounds like your friends are asking you to give them permission to not feel bad for flaking. And you're correct: you don't have to mask your disappointment.
Try saying, "Of course, I'm disappointed because I was looking forward to spending time together. But I understand." This kind of communication will help you feel heard.
If a particular friend is repeatedly canceling on you, however, that's a good sign that this person isn't in a place to prioritize your friendship, and your time may be better served with someone else. Get local news delivered to your inbox!.
