2 weeks Ago
“...
To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health ...
” These vows can be traced back to the medieval church of England, around the year 1549. While they’ve taken on hundreds of different forms and alterations in the years since, their message has remained the same: a promise of faithfulness, cherishment and commitment. However, according to February 2025 research from the Journal of Marriage and Family , one of these promises appears to be far more conditional than we’d like to believe.
The appalling findings of the European study depict a gendered pattern in “silver splits” — that is, divorces among couples over the age of 50. Here’s what the study teaches us about modern commitment — and the reality of what these vows mean today for middle aged adults. In the United States, late-life divorce statistics have changed dramatically over the past few decades.
In 1989, only about five out of every 1,000 adults over the age of 50 went through a divorce. By 2010, this rate had doubled to 10 per 1,000 — and has remained relatively steady since. A similar pattern can be observed in many European countries, including England and Wales .
In some nations, such as France and Belgium , the rate of these “silver splits” — also known as “ gray divorces ” — is even higher. This growing trend has sparked immense interest among researchers, particularly in terms of why so many long-term marriages are breaking down at increasing rates. As such, in their February 2025 study, psychological researchers Daniele Vignoli, Giammarco Alderotti and Cecilia Tomassini set out to investigate a particularly pressing question: how does health influence divorce among older couples? Their study examined data from 25,542 European heterosexual couples between the ages of 50 and 64, collected over an 18-year span from 2004 to 2022.
What they found was deeply unsettling. When both partners remained in good health, divorce rates stayed relatively stable. Likewise, when the husband fell ill but the wife remained healthy, the likelihood of divorce did not significantly increase.
However, the pattern shifted drastically when the wife was the one who fell ill. In marriages where the wife developed a serious illness, the divorce rate was statistically significantly higher. Similarly, when wives experienced physical limitations that made daily tasks difficult, the likelihood of divorce also increased.
These findings suggest a stark imbalance in how illness affects marital stability — one that raises several concerning questions about gender roles, caregiving and commitment in later-life relationships. It’s worth noting that the authors of the 2025 study themselves acknowledge that further qualitative research is needed to completely understand the finer details behind this shocking pattern. That said, even the everyday person could surmise that these results cannot be attributed solely to the stress that comes with health struggles.
Entrenched gender roles more than likely play a significant part, too. The deep-seated expectation that a wife will always ensure that the home runs smoothly is so ingrained, to the extent that any deviation from this role may feel like, or be legitimately considered, as a rupture in the marital bond. Over decades, these roles have been reinforced through socialization processes — beginning in childhood — where girls are subtly taught to value caregiving, domestic skills and the maintenance of the home.
Young boys, on the other hand, are very rarely given the same instruction in tasks such as cooking, cleaning or child rearing. A significant body of research suggests that these gendered expectations have persisted, despite how much societal attitudes are shifting within the younger generations. And in many older marriages, traditional norms remain even more strongly in place — with women continuing to carry the mental load of managing household tasks and caring responsibilities.
To husbands, the failure of a wife to fulfill these roles due to illness can be perceived as a breach of sorts in the marital contract — a promise made “in sickness and in health.” As such, when the pillar of domestic management is suddenly weakened, some husbands may feel that the foundational, perhaps even the most important, vow has been broken. Yet, objectively, it’s this very mindset that breaks the vow.
“In sickness and in health” shouldn’t require a woman to place domestic labor above her own well-being for the sake of the marriage. Rather, it should mean that if she can no longer fulfill these responsibilities, her husband can and must step in — just as the researchers suggest wives do when the roles are reversed. It goes without saying that expecting women to shoulder these duties alone, in the first place, is both archaic and unrealistic.
These responsibilities should always be shared between spouses. In reality, however, this sadly isn’t always the case — not even when wives face health struggles. But when a husband becomes ill, the societal expectation isn’t that the wife will naturally step into the caregiving role; in most cases, this is already her role.
An ailing husband doesn’t unsettle the established dynamic of who manages the home — as women are typically pre-socialized to be the caregivers. In all likelihood, this asymmetry is one of many byproducts of historically sexist expectations: where cooking, cleaning and caregiving are viewed as an almost innate responsibility for women. A 2023 study from the Journal of Business and Psychology notes that, even in contemporary settings, the division of household labor remains heavily skewed in favor of women.
Beyond performing the majority of domestic tasks, women are conditioned to take on the additional burden of coordinating the household — tasks that are almost always invisible , but exceptionally crucial to the smooth functioning of the family. This division is self-perpetuating: young boys grow up with little to no role models for household management. Often, as a result, they enter marriage with the unspoken (or even spoken) expectation that their partners will handle these responsibilities.
In many older marriages, where gender norms from years gone by remain unchallenged, this expectation remains stubbornly entrenched. In this sense, when a wife’s illness disrupts her ability to manage the home, this societal imbalance is very likely what undermines the stability of the marriage. Appallingly, it seems this means that the promise “in sickness and in health” can be interpreted differently depending on which partner falls ill.
Have gender roles negatively impacted your marital satisfaction? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Marital Satisfaction Scale.
