1 day Ago By Sarah Hagi
How I missed these freaky women of Salt Lake City. From the moment Mary Cosby said, “You smell like a hospital,” to Jen Shah, this franchise became one of my favorites and also an easy entry point for the Houswives curious. Featuring all the wealth and drama that makes a show like this successful, only that these women are all slightly turned up on the weirdo scale.
We got to know a now convicted criminal, a woman who married her step-grandfather in order to lead her mysterious church, and a Mormon with a tequila company — all in the bleak setting of Salt Lake City, which is a bunch of strip malls surrounded by beautiful mountains. After the reveal that last season’s newcomer Monica Garcia was one of the people behind an Instagram account that spent years spreading rumors and gossip about their friend group, it’s hard to imagine how the ladies of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City will be able to move on and heal (pronounced like “hill”) from last season. Once an employee and friend of the now incarcerated Jen Shah, Monica was responsible for perhaps one of the greatest twists in Housewives, and maybe reality TV, history.
In a dramatic dinner on a Bermuda beach, Heather Gay confronted Monica with RECEIPTS! PROOF! And of course, TIMELINES! Monica is, naturally, no longer a cast member. While this betrayal could have united these women as friends, last season’s reunion did not provide much healing or resolution. Where does that leave our ladies this season? This premiere begins with our girls dramatically explaining through voiceover that while the world pushes back as they bravely show us their lives, ultimately, they stick together because, in the words of Angie K.
, “It’s a bond and a friendship we can’t explain.” I do believe Angie K cannot explain these things; I really do. Tonally, it is clear we are being set up for an intense season, and of course, what better way to explore this group’s new dynamics than at a Valentine’s party hosted by Lisa Barlow? She calls it “besos” so that she can “remind her girlfriends she loves them.
” Almost immediately after this declaration, we get a flashback to a few weeks before when Angie, Lisa, and Heather discuss Whitney’s recent appearance on a podcast where she said Lisa does not care about anything other than being right (correct) and that she has always been the villain (incorrect). I always feel so confused when these women take what is said on podcasts or interviews to heart. As far as comments go, these women have said far worse about one another in confessionals and on social media.
But if we know Lisa, we know she will not let this slide. Back in the present, the first two housewives to step out of a car together and into the party are Mary and her new best friend ..
. Angie K? And with matching red purses, no less. If you recall, Mary was visibly disgusted by Angie K.
on a trip to Palm Springs last season. What makes Mary an incredible character is not that she is logical or emotionally consistent; it’s that there is no rhyme or reason for her choices or gripes. When asked what changed during a confessional , Mary says, “She gained my trust.
” It appears this moment happened at the reunion when Angie K. very discreetly let her know she had lipstick on her teeth. Beyond Mary and Angie K.
’s friendship, it seems like we’re getting a renewed, higher-energy version of Mary. Last season, her appearances were inconsistent. The only way people knew how to interact with her was to coddle her like an aging pet.
However, even in these first few moments, she just seems more dialed in. She even later compliments Heather on her weight loss, which, in Mary’s own way, is like saying hello, sweetie. Heather arrives with her friend and new housewife Britani, who is in an on-again-off-again relationship with Jared Osmond, who is the nephew of Donny and Marie Osmond.
Allegedly, this is a very big deal for Mormons — he is like royalty. I love it when you get to find out something about Mormon culture through this show. This guy’s a nobody, but sure, it’s a big deal for you guys.
Got it. But before getting a proper introduction to Britani, we meet Bronwyn, a high fashion friend of Lisa’s. Immediately, you know her entire vibe is going to be that she is extremely rich and loves fashion.
She describes her brand as “funny chaos,” which I’m sure is something she often repeats to people as though it has a meaning. Instantly, she bonds with Mary over being rich and wearing couture. Britani attempts to join their conversation but gets off to a bad start by complimenting Bronwyn’s “costume.
” Mary is instantly turned off because Britani has revealed herself as not that rich. (Britani later talks awkwardly in the same conversation that she grew up poor.) Mary may have very random turn-offs, but she consistently has shown us that one of the worst things a person can be is poor.
We learn that Bronwyn’s jacket is actually Saint Laurent, and she is one of three people who own this coat. The others are Rihanna and a museum. While this is all good to know, Bronwyn still has not shown any real personality.
Meredith, thus far, has been pretty quiet. We get a flashback to a few weeks ago, where Meredith is in bed recovering from a breast reduction surgery with Heather by her side. Her boobs hurt, but also she is still in pain from how things ended in Bermuda.
And her biggest beef right now? That Whitney copies her business ideas. Meredith does a jewelry line, Whitney then does one. Now, Whitney is selling bath products, which Meredith believes is her thing.
“It is an attack on me,” she tells Heather, who clearly finds it all very funny. Back at the party, we get an incredible aside from Lisa talking about Jack’s mission to Colombia. At this point, he is eight months into his mission, and Lisa tells a guest that Jack is doing “so good.
” She then goes on to say, “I feel like it’s teaching him a lot of things. They have the coolest bookstores and barber shops.” What does that even mean? He could be anywhere by that description.
We get two odd confrontations before the dinner portion of this party, where you know it’s about to go down. Meredith confronts Whitney and, in her trademark slurred speech, asks her about the bath bombs. Even with weeks between her conversation with Heather and this party, Meredith still sees Whitney’s business venture as a personal affront to her livelihood.
Meredith and Whitney talking with one another is the type of communication you get in a very long game of telephone, except they are in front of each other. It sort of concludes with Whitney telling Meredith that she actually has sold bath bombs before. Well, that’s that.
Oddly, Angie sees this as an opportunity to once again take up her gripes with Meredith. One of the major accusations is that Angie has connections to the Greek mafia and also that Meredith wanted her to lose her home. After Heather lets Angie know that Meredith still wants apologies from them all, Angie uses this as an opportunity to get apologies from Meredith.
This interaction, in particular, made me think about these women as real people. What do apologies even mean to them? Fundamentally, what do they see an apology as doing for their emotional well-being? My personal belief is that it is about power rankings. Meredith sees herself as a real businesswoman whose success and previous success are not tied to her Housewives fame.
Whitney likely appears as “lesser than” in her eyes, someone who is less chic and rooted in a luxurious experience, as if her business success is a Housewives cast member money grab. Angie wants an apology because she needs to show she’s a power player in this series — Monica’s betrayal had very little to do with her, and last season, she cemented herself as comic relief more than anything else. Angie takes a scroll out of her purse and lists all the apologies she requires from Meredith.
This doesn’t go anywhere past the gimmick because Lisa calls them over to the second part of the night, a dinner in a space that looks like a barn. Salt Lake City is seemingly full of these spots. Finally, the podcast comes up, and Lisa demands an apology from Whitney, and Whitney asks her what exactly she needs to apologize for.
Her argument is that her statements were just her feelings (“fillings”) and that Lisa is calling her a liar because her statements on this podcast do not hold weight. Lisa is very much like, that’s not very healed of you . Whitney lets it slip that she had already known Lisa was upset with her, which sets Lisa over the edge.
She sees this as a betrayal of trust from either Angie or Heather, the two people who knew about how upset she was with Whitney. It is with this information the argument escalates into an explosion from Lisa. Screaming that she is now isolated, she stands up and begins screaming at Angie K.
(who she hilariously calls Angie K. even when screaming) because she was the one who told Whitney. Now truly ON ONE, Lisa smashes her glass and brings up other lies Whitney told, like how Whitney mentioned the rumor that Lisa was sleeping with someone to get courtside Utah Jazz tickets.
Whitney, clearly anchored by her current healing (“hilling”) journey, very calmly says she is not a liar. That opens the doors for some high-level cross-talk, with all the women screaming about how Whitney is a liar. I’m sure Whitney is a liar, but with this cast — they’re all somewhat on the same level of mistruths.
It looks more like it feels good to have the spotlight on Whitney, who nobody is crazy about at that moment, than to discuss their real issues with one another. Whitney finally has enough and says to Lisa, “You wanna meet the hilled Whitney? Fuck you, Lisa Barlow.” And with that, she storms off, with Angie K.
following her. And with that, we are off to a pretty good start to the season. This is very clearly just a taste of how season 5 will shake out, and it seems that even with the Reality Von Tease drama behind them — these women will never stop finding ways to confront one another.
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