5 days Ago By Liz Rogers
Q. 1: I read your column about test anxiety with interest. I’m not anxious about taking tests as much as I’m anxious about getting good grades.
I worry about grades all the time. It feels like my grades are all that matter to my mom. – 16-year-old Q.
2: I start college next year and my mind is focused on doing well. I want to go to med school or law school, so I know my grades need to be great. How can I relax and enjoy the college experience if all I can think about is my grades? I feel like I spent my entire high school career worrying about them.
– 18-year-old Q. 3: I finish 8th grade soon and I’m excited/scared about high school next year. I’m not worried about it socially as much as I’m worried I won’t be able to keep my grades up so I can get into a good college.
My best friend is so casual about grades. If I don’t get an A, I feel physically sick. She gets Cs all the time and blows it off.
Should I be like her? – 14-year-old Mary Jo’s Response: I’m responding to all three of you together because your concerns are so similar. Although at different stages of life, your worry about grades consumes your days. Setting academic goals is important.
Knowing where we want to go and planning the path to get there is an important skill. I honor all three of you. You’re ambitious, you care about your future, and you realize the connection between grades and academic success.
However, your worry may not be at a healthy level. Teens are judged by adults in many ways, and academic standing is only one. Another is character – how people treat one another, how often a person demonstrates integrity, how honest someone is, and how reliable.
There’s more to success than grades. Perhaps you could put grades in perspective. Yes, academic achievement is positive, but balancing your life with other goals and experiences, like sports or friendships or volunteering in your community, could ease your worry and provide balance.
Try to enjoy each day and live each moment well. I’d like to address each of you individually, too: Questioner #1, if you feel your mom is only interested in your grades, a conversation is needed. Give her a chance to share how she thinks.
Parents get busy, too. She may believe motivating you is her job. Explain how you feel.
Questioner #2, yes you should enjoy college! Moderation is key. Make friends, socialize, prioritize studying but take time to explore new things and enjoy independence. Post-graduate programs look at the whole person for admission.
Questioner #3, you ask if you should be like a friend who accepts C grades and blows off achievement. No, I don’t think that path is wise. Be yourself, always.
Feeling physically ill over a grade is hard, though. No one will know the grade you get in one class when you’re an adult. Remember, there is more to life than grades.
Practice mindful relaxation, exercise, socialize and have fun! Good luck to all three of you. Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.
com..
