2 weeks Ago By BuzzFeed
Recently, Reddit user uelysebeck turned to the popular Ask Reddit page to ask people who have been cheated on what I thought was such a compelling question: "What were the early signs indicating that your partner might do it before they actually cheated?" I figured reading the answers would help people who've been cheated on feel seen, or maybe even help some people see the signs. So, naturally, I decided to share. Here are some of the most interesting answers: 1.
"Sudden secrecy with their phone, picking fights over small things, emotionally pulling away, and a weird mix of guilt and defensiveness were the biggest signs." —u/ lathana "This is how I became suspicious..
.the hiding of the screen in the evening while texting, wanting to do different things in the bedroom, and then the guilty-looking eyes when I would ask questions. Now the trust is gone, and the 'I didn’t mean to' is a joke because if you didn’t want to, you would have never done it.
Now we are divorced." —u/ Equivalent_Smoke6926 2. "The first sign from my ex was all of a sudden doing anything sexual I asked, whenever I asked.
Went from two or three times a week to seven or eight times a week. Apparently, she felt guilty about cheating so instead of just stopping, she decided to keep me satisfied..
." —u/ picchu55 3. "Happened like 15 years ago with my first love.
She wasn’t the type of person to cheat. She wasn’t a bad person. I was depressed.
I was checked out. She was always available whenever I needed her." "One thing I think was a tell that I ignored was how much time she was spending with a particular person.
I just trusted that she wouldn’t cross any lines. Eventually, she did. She felt horrible.
I did, too. We broke up and it was for the best. One thing I’ll say as a wiser man: If your significant other starts spending a significant amount of time with one other person outside of your relationship, just try to pay attention.
When it starts to seem like they’d prefer that person’s presence over yours, something is probably going on. And they may not even realize that they’re falling in love with someone else. But they are.
" —u/ flightguy5 4. "They accused me of cheating on them." —u/ handandfoot8099 5.
"It’s alllllways the changes in phone habits. Turning off notifications, tilting the screen away from you, leaving the phone face down at all times, taking it everywhere and spending way longer in the bathroom than usual, neeever leaving it unattended." —u/ redpandabear89 "That was one of the giveaways for me two weeks ago.
She suddenly spent up to an hour in the bathroom. Six years down the drain now." —u/ Llymlaen_Rilkam "My 29-year marriage fell apart when she connected with a guy she knew from her childhood.
I didn't even notice the phone habits at first. And the fact that she no longer sat next to me on the couch but in the separate chair next to it. Vanishing messages.
She's now married to him." Is there anything you would have done differently? "Better communication mainly. I had the typical male pattern of trying to find solutions rather than just listening to her and making her feel heard.
Still, things weren't really bad, just a little stale, maybe." —u/ 3literz3 6. "She said his name in her sleep.
Was probably already fucking him by that point. Two months later, she was pregnant with his kid, and we were divorcing. He split and was never in their daughter’s life, of course.
" ABC —u/ nomadbadatlife "This happened with my first love. He said her name in his sleep, and I didn't know who she was at that point. I went on his Facebook page and searched his friends and there she was.
He cheated on me with her for nearly a year." —u/ Honeybee4796 7. "Constantly minimizing/delegitimizing my needs, setting up spaces I wasn't welcome in, telling me to respect her boundaries while not respecting mine.
" —u/ revengemonkeythe2nd 8. "I never saw any warning signs, and that's the honest truth. My ex would drive me home and then go fuck her while I was asleep.
I didn't know better." —u/ Odd_Tie8409 9. "Sudden acts of service or romantic gestures that, in retrospect, were guilt/overcompensation!" —u/ Regular-Lemon-5979 10.
"An early sign for me was my intuition. Something felt off even though I couldn't pinpoint what exactly gave me the feeling, but it turns out I was right and he was cheating. Crazy part: he acted like things were GREAT between us while cheating.
Gut feeling still prevailed." —u/ bitchisaidnah 11. "My partner began caring less about what I thought of her.
She would openly fart in front of me, things like that. Then she began enhancing her physical appearance and spending more time in the gym. Then, she was super protective of her phone and would stay in the bathroom for long periods of time.
" Pop TV / CBC Television —u/ Donga_Donga 12. "Friending an ex on Facebook. 'Oh, I just wanted to see how they were doing.
I don't have any feelings for them.'" Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com —u/ Soggy-Beach-1495 13.
"She became distant, started guarding her phone, and spent more time at 'work' than usual." —u/ Just_A_Ginger_Fella 14. "My ex became more and more pushy towards me to be different.
It's like one day a switch flipped, and she didn't like the way I was anymore." "I am an introvert who would much rather sit home and watch a movie than go to a club. She knew this about me before we even started speaking, and yet, out of the blue, she was always complaining about me, always 'wishing I was different.
' In general, the first sign that someone is falling out of love is that they stop liking you as a person. All the things they found endearing become flaws and annoy them. In cheating specifically, they begin projecting their affair partner on you and notice all the differences, and weirdly enough, start to kind of resent you for not being like that.
Their brain subconsciously blames you for the cheating, kind of like a 'if you were like this and that and that, I wouldn't have felt the need to cheat in the first place' type logic." —u/ Turbulent_Cut_2813 15. "They’d cheated on previous partners.
" —u/ Adicol 16. "When they suddenly become a phone screen-down type of person." —u/ CutieQueen 17.
"So, in my experience, they start talking about someone at work all the time. Then you start noticing that they are on their phone more and more, and they are protective of it. Then you notice that while they are on the phone, they start smiling or giggling.
" "You ask about it, but they just dismiss it as a 'work joke' or something like that. Then you notice they are getting and responding to messages later and later at night, or early in the morning. At the same time, you notice them distancing themselves from you, having less interest in doing things with you, and ultimately less intimacy.
Then you bring up your concerns all for it to be turned around and thrown back at you for being insecure or bringing up past issues to hold against you. You swallow your pride just to stop the fighting, but then start digging into those late-night messages to find the truth." —u/ schirmyver 18.
"He called her name out during sex (it was his ex-wife, who cheated on him)! When he was drunk, he told me he would always love her." Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com —u/ Jojo6167 19.
"She started talking about this friend of hers way too much. As if I'd care what his workday was like every single day. But then she'd also complain about how he was annoying — and it'd be completely innocent stuff that you wouldn't care about if it was just a friend.
" "Why she was telling me all this I don't know, but my intuition was right: they'd been sleeping together since before we were married." —u/ Ayback183 20. "'Can we open our relationship?'" —u/ honeygoldenbunny "That happened to me.
He'd already opened it, and it was a way to legitimize his cheating. If they're asking, its very likely they are already seeing someone or at least have someone in mind." —u/ lilias33 21.
"If you notice a change in behavior that's unprompted by any explainable life events, it's probably some form of dishonesty. Like, if they lost their job and were very depressed for two months and reclusive, then fair enough. But if they do that out of the blue, saying, 'I'm just in a weird headspace,' or something vague like that, then something might be wrong.
" "But it doesn't always have to be a change. People don't like to hear this, but a simple fact of life is that some personality types are more likely to cheat by nature. Ask yourself a few questions: Does your partner have to be a focal point in every room they're in? Not just enjoying being in the spotlight, but manufacturing it? That means they need a lot of attention.
Does your partner have an unusually strong independent mentality? Wanting to be in control of your own life is normal. But some people see the world through a 'me vs. them' lens.
Is your partner a drug user/heavy drinker? Drugs and alcohol impair judgment and encourage spontaneity. Pretty self-explanatory." —u/ Brownhog 22.
"If the thought enters your head more than a few times, they're probably being dishonest about something. Trust your gut. Fortunately, I learned this in my early 20s.
" —u/ spacejoint 23. "Drastically changing the way she dressed. Giving a BS story that she was taking music lessons in spite of never practicing music (or improving when she did).
Saying she was going shopping, but coming home hours later, empty-handed." "Suddenly deciding to get a bigger car. Not being where she said she was.
Talking endlessly about some guy at work and doing favors and chores for him." —u/ Darkforeboding 24. "They started to work on their personal appearance: working out, grooming more before going out.
..also, they changed the way intimacy occurred, as if they had picked up a few new techniques.
" —u/ Old_Paleo_Punk 25. And finally: "Sometimes there are none, unfortunately." —u/ 5DsofDodgeball69 If you relate to these, or if you have your own story to share, feel free to do so in the comments.
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