2 weeks Ago By Tom Nicholson
We all know what assuming does to you and me, but some beliefs are just built in. For example, haven’t you always taken it as a given that the point of being in a non-monogamous relationship is having a wild old time in the bedroom, enjoying the kind of adventures conventionally smug marrieds couldn’t even dream of? Well, turns out, not so much.A study from Melbourne’s La Trobe University entitled “Countering The Monogamy-Superiority Myth” has discovered that non-monogamous people aren’t significantly more sexually satisfied than monogamous people.
This was true for both for heterosexual and LGBTQ+ participants.A recent YouGov survey revealed that one in 25 Brits have experienced polyamory, and one in 12 would be open to exploring it. In light of this sexual satisfaction bombshell, just one question.
Why bother? Polyamory seems like such a lot of hassle, inviting so much extra stress into your life that it cannot possibly be worth it unless there are substantial benefits. As in, that you’re fulfilling your every desire and swinging from the chandeliers each night, or whatever floats your non-lighting-paraphernalia-related boat.if(window.
adverts) { window.adverts.addToArray({"pos": "inread-hb-ros-inews"}); }Imagine the logistics of having more than one better half, how organised you’d have to be.
And, let’s be honest, how patient. I’ve been married for 14 years, and although, of course, I love him and all that, the man drives me absolutely insane. More than one of him leaving cupboard doors open and asking where things are sounds like a particularly effective torture technique, not an enticing lifestyle choice.
And in fairness to him (let the record show), this isn’t specific to my husband. Anyone will get on your nerves over the years, as the first flush of love fades into something more..
. realistic, shall we say, and somebody needs to clean up the cat puke, and I did it last time.#color-context-related-article-3598676 {--inews-color-primary: #3759B7;--inews-color-secondary: #EFF2FA;--inews-color-tertiary: #3759B7;} Read Next square POLLY HUDSON The note that proves it: Meghan has wonRead MoreWhile I’m sure those in polyamorous couples are very happy, and I respect their choices, I struggle to get my head around the day to day logistics.
Do you divide your time completely equally, so nobody feels left out, or give priority, first dibs, to whoever you’ve been with for the longest, because they have seniority, so have earned it? Or do you favour whoever has been nicer to you, encouraging a kind of competitive, Hunger Games-esque atmosphere? Maybe there’s a rota, like for domestic chores, but in this case, you are the domestic chore?Then, if it goes well with your other significant other/s and you feel ready to take the next step, do you move in with them separately and split the week between homes, or do you all live together? That would at least be cheaper, rent or mortgage and bills wise, but what would the dynamics of that be like? Is the best case scenario that your partners get on, or that they don’t? It could be awkward and uncomfortable if they weren’t friendly, and even worse if they were, and formed an alliance behind your back so they could get their way on any votes about household issues, like on Big Brother.Also, is everyone involved polyamorous? If everyone is going to have multiple mates, and they’re all going to have multiple mates too, there will undoubtedly need to be some kind of flow chart to keep track of it all which, by the way, must be regularly updated. That’s probably one thing no one considers when embarking on polyamory: the admin.
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addToArray({"pos": "mpu_tablet_l1"}); }Regardless of sexual satisfaction, polyamory is not for us (Photo: Getty Images)Obviously, to be in a polyamorous relationship, you have to be a certain type of person: open-minded, non-conformist, evolved – but even so, does no one get jealous? Really? Almost certainly a Victorian view, but if I was gaily waving my husband off to bed with someone else – or, at the other end of the scale, overhearing him bickering about leaving dishes next to the sink AGAIN – I think I’d mind, and that it would be a worry if I didn’t. Yes, that’s my man; but more importantly, that’s my argument. Hands off.
Worse still, what if he really upped his game and was much better behaved with his girlfriend than he is with me, his boring old wife? That settles it. Regardless of sexual satisfaction, polyamory is not for us. I definitely don’t want him putting his plates in anyone else’s dishwasher, and that both is and isn’t a euphemism.
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