2 weeks Ago By Philip Galanes
After five years of sharing birthdays with her nephew, a reader is bristling at her sister’s decision to create a perennial scheduling conflict just for fun. Q. Five years ago, my sister chose my birthday as the date for her scheduled caesarean section.
She said she thought it would be fun for her baby and me to share a birthday. I was annoyed but tried to be a good sport about it. Now, my nephew is turning 5, and I am still holding a grudge that my birthday was taken.
This year, my sister is giving him a party, but I have my own plans. So, I will miss the party or not have the day to myself. And every year is more complicated than it has to be! I think it would have been better to have separate birthdays – even if they were a day apart.
What’s done is done. But is it reasonable for me to feel irritated? – Sister A. When my birthday falls on a weekday – which is most years – I’m pretty flexible about finding an evening that’s convenient for my husband or friends to celebrate with me.
It’s often not on my actual birthday. Most adults I know take a similar approach. And in my experience with young children, parents nearly always arrange kids’ parties for the weekend.
So, I’m wondering if the problem you present – the complexity of a shared birthday – is the real issue here. Do you even celebrate them on the same day? You are entitled to your feelings, of course. But I doubt that the root of your irritation is having to swing by your sister’s house for an hour to eat some birthday cake for a child.
It seems more likely that it springs from her failure to ask you – five years ago – if it was okay to use your birthday for her son. And I don’t believe your feelings will go away until you talk to your sister about it. No need to make a federal case of this.
And be sure to tell her that you know she didn’t mean to upset you. Then say: “But I wish you’d asked me about choosing my birthday.” As you say, what’s done is done.
But getting this off your chest may help..
