1 week Ago By Stephanie Chase
SUNNING herself on a boat trip during a holiday, Amparo Macalua’s blood suddenly ran cold. A family friend had let slip that her husband Peer had fathered a love child behind her back, leaving her stunned. While the nurse had forgiven Peer, 52, for cheating on her ten years earlier, she had no idea that his indiscretion had resulted in a baby.
“We were talking about Peer’s affair and my friend apologised for being the one to introduce the woman to Peer on a night out,” Amparo, 51, says. “Then, thinking I already knew, he started speaking about the child they’d had together. “I didn’t hear anything else he said after that — my mind was spinning and I felt sick.
” READ MORE ON REAL LIFE Much like rocker Dave Grohl , Peer, a care home worker, had fathered a child outside of his marriage — and had kept his son a secret from his wife for years. The 55-year-old Foo Fighters frontman — wed to actress Jordyn Blum — shocked fans earlier this month by posting on Instagram: “I’ve recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage.” And Amparo knows just how Dave’s wife Jordyn, 48 , must feel.
“After Peer had an affair, he begged for forgiveness,” says Amparo. Most read in Fabulous “Luckily for him, I’ve always believed in second chances. “But when I learned he had a secret love child and had kept it from me for nearly a decade, the news left me reeling and wondering what to do next.
” The couple, who live in Belfast , met through a friend and after four years together, they tied the knot in 2001 and had a daughter of their own, Queen, now 19. Then in 2005, six months after Amparo, 51, landed a job as a nurse, she got an email that changed everything. “The email was from Peer’s sister and she was telling me that he’d had an affair,” she says.
“The worked together and a colleague found out and told her. “I was so shocked and phoned him straight away to confront him. He apologised, but I told him he would never see me again,” she says.
Peer told her that his fling was meant to be a one-night stand but because Amparo had at the time been far away — working in the UK , while he was in the Philippines and he claimed he missed the presence of a woman who cared for him. Amparo ignored all Peer’s phone calls and messages for a week before making a decision — she could not let a young woman ruin what she and Peer had. She also had to consider the fact they had a daughter together, and Peer had always been a great dad.
“During that week, I really wasn’t sure what was in store for our future. "I knew it wouldn’t be easy to take Peer back, until I fully accepted he was my husband, and I was going to fight for what we had. “I told him he had to forget the other woman and work hard at our relationship.
"And so, we started spending more time together and he began grovelling for my forgiveness “He began cooking me special meals, as well as buying me flowers and chocolates.” Years passed and though Amparo found it difficult to trust Peer, she did not regret forgiving him. “In my mind, when you get married, you make a commitment.
You fight for your relationship, so that’s what I did.” In 2013, the pair visited the Philippines, and while on that ill-fated trip, Amparo got the devastating news that Peer had fathered another child behind her back. Soon after, she did some digging and discovered her in-laws were in on the secret but had not told her.
“I was upset that I was the only one that wasn’t in the know. "When I confronted Peer for a second time, he burst into tears and so did I. ‘Biggest betrayal possible’ “I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told me the truth and he couldn’t explain why and he was sure I would leave him.
“What made it even worse was that Peer and I had experienced great difficulty conceiving a child and yet now he’d had one so easily with another, younger woman.” After taking time to calm down, Amparo made a bold move. “I did a lot of thinking and realised, deep down, I couldn’t imagine being apart from Peer.
"He was my one true love and apart from what happened, he was the perfect husband. "He was loving, caring, and a great cook and handyman. "He was so sorry for what he’d done and felt bad for the pain he had caused me.
"I couldn’t let a meaningless fling ruin our marriage .” Now the husband and wife have been married 25 years. “Peer has had no contact with his child from the fling,” says Amparo.
“But if the child did choose to meet him in the future, I would be open to meeting them too.” And loyal Amparo is very happy she forgave her husband. I think by nature most men are polygamous at some point “Don’t get me wrong, it was the biggest betrayal possible, and because of that, our relationship has been tested to the limit.
"I’ve also had people judge me for taking Peer back. "They said he didn’t deserve to be with me and that I deserved better. “But I was never embarrassed that Peer had an affair and another child, because I know he is a decent man who belongs to a decent family.
“I think by nature most men are polygamous at some point. "But usually they will get back to where they belong. "I believe that when you deeply love someone, she or he is engraved in your heart no matter what happens.
“My in-laws have given me unlimited support throughout all of this.” Now, Amparo says because of the heartbreak she’s suffered, she and Peer can get through anything. “Nothing can break us now.
"I don’t think you can have such a strong bond with just anybody, so I feel grateful we have come through the worst so positively. "Our trials have continued as we’ve grown wiser together. "Of course, over the years, we have moments of jealousy as most couples do.
“But in turn, we have also become more patient and understanding. I personally think love gets better with the test of time. ‘Time will heal all’ “We both work hard to control our tempers and feelings, which all helps to keep our marriage stronger than ever.
” Regarding Dave Grohl’s secret child love child, she believes the rock legend has made the right decision in owning what has happened and apologising, just like her husband did. “I am moved by Dave’s gesture,” Amparo says. “He’s done the right thing by apologising and expressing his sincerity to regain his wife and family’s trust.
"Not many men have the guts to apologise, especially in the public eye. But hats off to him for doing so.” In time, Amparo is certain Grohl and Blum can get to a better place in their relationship.
“If I could speak to Dave, I’d tell him to continue with the actions of a real gentleman, husband and dad. "As long as he’s taking responsibility and has no intention of making the same mistake, I think things will work out for them all. “His wife has a heart, as well as a mind that is more than capable of forgiving.
"He should persevere with his grovelling and time will heal all.” Peer says: “I am so sorry about that time and I regret it happening. But I think our marriage is stronger than ever.
READ MORE SUN STORIES “At the time, I was unfaithful because I felt I was missing something in my life. "I’ve assured Amparo it was only sexual, not emotional.” THINKING of forgiving your partner after a devastating betrayal like Amparo? Psychologist Emma Kenny reveals what you must consider first.
DEPTH OF BETRAYAL : Was it a one-off mistake, or a prolonged affair? The depth of deceit plays a significant role in your decision. A one-night slip, while painful, may have different motivations behind it than an ongoing emotional or physical affair. Understanding the magnitude of the betrayal is the first step in deciding whether it is something you can forgive.
THEIR ACCOUNTABILITY : Is your partner genuinely remorseful, or are they merely regretful that they got caught? Your partner must acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused and actively work to make amends. Without true remorse, any forgiveness on your part is likely to be one-sided, leaving you to carry the emotional burden alone. EVALUATE TRUST : Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and when it’s shattered by infidelity, rebuilding it is no easy feat.
You need to ask yourself whether you can see a future where trust can be restored. If you are already finding it impossible to believe their promises or intentions, forgiveness may not lead to a healthy outcome for either of you. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR BOUNDARIES : Forgiveness is not about forgetting or pretending the betrayal did not happen – it’s about making a conscious decision to try to heal.
However, your own emotional well-being must come first. Are your boundaries respected? Do you feel heard and understood? If the answer is no, then forgiveness might lead to more emotional pain down the road. OUTSIDER SUPPORT : Healing after betrayal is not a journey you have to take alone.
Whether you seek help through counselling or turn to trusted friends and family, having external support can be invaluable. A trained therapist, in particular, can help both you and your partner navigate these complex emotions, guiding you towards either reconciliation or closure. An external perspective can be the clarity you need.
LONG-TERM IMPACT : Think about the long-term effects of your decision. Forgiveness can be freeing, but only if it is genuine. If resentment festers, it can slowly erode your relationship from the inside out.
It’s important to be honest with yourself – can you genuinely forgive or will this remain a wound that never fully heals?.
