2 days Ago By Heather Saul
Can we talk about lube? There can’t be many sexual taboos left, but lube use has surely got to be one of them, amongst heterosexual couples at least. It’s not that anyone finds the idea of lube particularly shocking – you can buy it in Tesco for goodness’ sake – but that’s a very different thing from making it a staple in your sexual repertoire . There is a strange stigma around lube use for women, especially younger women, as if cracking open the KY Jelly is an admission that you weren’t turned on enough to produce enough of your own lubrication.
To my mind, this is a terrific shame and everyone, regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation, should be using lube. It just makes everything feel better. Lube is the rainbow sprinkles on the sex cake of life, and no one will ever persuade me otherwise.
Yet lube use is far from universal. In fact, as we will see, there is a lot of resistance, which is ironic because that’s precisely what lube is supposed to help with. There is no getting away from it: the use of lube in heterosexual couples is associated with sexual dysfunction, vaginal dryness, and anal sex.
And while I like to think that very few of us would bat an eyelid at anyone putting lube to this use, it has garnered a reputation as being more of a sexual aid than an enhancer. But if you are not greasing your wheels on the regular, then you are most certainly missing out, and a lot of people are. One 2009 study of women in the United States found that 62 per cent had used a lubricant at some point in their lives, but only 25.
3 per cent had used it in October. Another study , published in 2014, found that 70 per cent of American men had used lube at least once, but only 25 per cent had used it in the last month. What this tells us is that people are very open to using lube but are not doing so very regularly.
Gay and bisexual men are the exception and research tells us that they are using lube more than any other demographic. In fact, over 90 per cent of men who have sex with men report lubing up at least once, and not just for anal sex, but for solo and mutual masturbation as well. Despite my argument that lube is about more than improving sexual function, there is still no denying that it is a vagina’s best friend for this very reason.
It has been shown to significantly reduce discomfort felt during penetrative sex for those dealing with vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy, and dyspareunia, all of which significantly increase as we age. But we shouldn’t be waiting until we get older before we reach for the lubricants. Despite lube use being shown to seriously enhance sexual pleasure, the most commonly cited reason for heterosexual couples not using it was a belief that lubricants were “only for older people”.
I spoke to Dr Hallie Lieberman , a historian who has not only researched the history of sex toys , but lube’s origins as well, about lube’s less than glamorous image. “Lube is the ugly stepsister of sex toys,” she laughed. “It’s slimy, sticky and rarely ever packaged in a beautiful way.
When people think of lube, they rarely think of beauty.” It’s true. Despite its primary function being to make having sex even better, lube is weirdly unsexy.
I asked Dr Lieberman about the research I had been looking at and why there is still a reluctance to use lubricants, especially amongst heterosexual women. “ Lube definitely still has a stigma, at least among heterosexual women,” she said. “A woman who ‘needs’ lube is still sometimes seen as frigid or sexually inadequate.
Lube is associated with ageing vaginas and menopause, so it’s automatically stigmatised in a society that rarely views older women as sexy. But lube is for all ages. A 20-year-old might need it, as might a 100-year-old.
” Read Next My message to men on giving oral sex It seems that the shame around straight women using lube is a form of ageism. Lube does such a wonderful job of helping to alleviate vaginal discomfort during sex as we age that it has now become associated with the sexual dysfunction of older people. It is also rooted in a misplaced fear of sexual failure, and that using lube would be an admission that you aren’t aroused enough on your own.
That was certainly the case for Dr Lieberman, as she explained: “ I used to feel a stigma around lube in my twenties, thinking I was too young to need it or that using it was a sign that something was wrong with my vulva. I thought maybe I couldn’t get aroused properly. If I used lube, I felt like I was admitting that I had a problem, which in retrospect is ridiculous, but at the time was a very real feeling.
” What’s more, there is evidence to back this feeling this up. Research suggests that when women do experience vaginal dryness, the perceived cause of it varies with age, with women over 50 “attributing decreased lubrication to age or menopause, while younger women believed that it was due to lack of sexual arousal”. This brings me to one of my personal bêtes noires .
There is no recognised noun in English for the fluids produced by the vagina during arousal. You have to say, “fluids produced by the vagina during arousal”. The closest we have to a single word is the adjective, “wet”.
There is all manner of less than flattering slang terms, ranging from “fanny batter” to “doughnut glaze”, but no word that you could use while talking to your GP with a straight face. The French call this fluid “Cyprine”, from “Cyprus”, the birthplace of Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. Roger’s Profanisaurus call it “gusset icing”.
Swings and roundabouts, I guess. Whatever you want to call the fluids produced by the vagina during arousal, using lube during sex runs the risk of being read as an admission that you aren’t making enough of it because you are either too old, or that you are not aroused in the first place. This is nonsense.
Vaginas can be fairly unpredictable things. Not only can they become lubricated during sex when you are not aroused, but sometimes they don’t become lubricated when you are for all manner of reasons. Hormone changes, medications, and where you are in your menstrual cycle can all impact the amount of cyprine being produced.
But here’s the thing. Even if you are producing enough glaze for an entre branch of Dunkin’ Doughnuts, you should still consider lube. I asked Dr Lieberman why she thinks we should all be using lube, regardless of age or sexual function.
“It improves sexual pleasure for all genders,” she explained. “Other research shows that women who use lube are more sexually satisfied. Not only can lube make sex more fun, it can also make it less painful and less likely to cause tearing in sensitive genital and anal tissue.
” It doesn’t only make penetrative sex more fun; it also makes masturbating more pleasurable too. Take a tip out of the male masturbation playbook and get some lube on it. You’ll thank me later.
The only caveat I will add to that is to do your lube research . Oil-based lubes can damage latex condoms, which is certainly worth knowing. Silicone based lubes are fine to use with a condom but can damage the surface of your favourite sex toy, so remember to clean them thoroughly after use.
You can now buy water-based and plant-based lubes, which are both great for sensitive skin but might not last as long as a silicon-based option. It is important that you actually use a made for purpose lube and not whatever you have lying around. Hopefully, we can start to dispel the idea that lube use is only for sexual dysfunction, or something only older people use.
It improves the quality of all manner of sexual shenanigans. I mean, the wetter the better, right? As Dr Lieberman said, “It’s never a question of if I want to use lube, only a question of ‘how much’.”.
