All Dawn DeArmon wanted to hear was her mother’s voice at the other end of the line. Then she’d know everything was OK. But when her call again failed to go through, she had no choice but to turn back to the television.
Minutes later — as the first news footage began to emerge from Oklahoma City’s Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building — DeArmon suddenly understood why there’d been no answer. “I fell to my knees in front of the TV,” the Tulsan said, recalling the impact of one image, in which she could see that the building’s entire third floor had been completely wiped out.
It was the exact part of the building where her mother, Kathy Leinen, worked in the Federal Employees Credit Union. As news of the explosion at the Murrah Building — which was determined soon after to have been a bombing — continued to spread, the total panic DeArmon experienced in that moment would be felt by hundreds of other families. People are also reading.
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history, 168 people were killed in the bombing on the morning of April 19, 1995. Leinen and 17 other employees of the credit union were among them. This Saturday, April 19, will mark 30 years since the events of that day.
For the 25th year in a row, the Oklahoma City National Memorial will host an annual remembrance ceremony. Except for one she missed due to a recent surgery, DeArmon has attended every one, joined by other family members. She will be there again, taking flowers and other items to decorate Leinen’s memorial in the Field of Chairs.
The rows of handcrafted chairs are set up in memory of each victim on the former site of the Murrah Building. ‘You learn to live with it’ Kathy Leinen, a 47-year-old collection officer, was one of more than 30 employees in the office when the Federal Employees Credit Union opened its doors for the day at 9 a.m.
April 19. The bomb went off two minutes later. When the first reports from Oklahoma City began coming in, DeArmon, 26 at the time, was at the Tulsa bank where she worked as a teller.
She tried unsuccessfully to phone her mother, then watched as the television reports came in. Based on what she saw, DeArmon feared the worst. But like many other survivors of the victims, she was in for a long wait.
Leinen’s body wasn’t found until May 4, 15 days after the bombing. It was one of the last to be recovered. From there, other waits were just beginning.
The wait for answers. For justice. For healing.
The wait for the latter, in some ways, is still ongoing, DeArmon said. “You still hear it expressed sometimes like, ‘Have you gotten over it?’ or ‘Have you had time to get over it?’ I don’t think you ever get over losing a loved one, much less get over something this horrific. You learn to live with it.
” Helping her live with it, she said, is the thought that Kathy Leinen is never far away. Her mother, if not present physically, has remained a “constant” in her life. “She’s been with me every day since this happened — in one way or another,” DeArmon said.
“She taught me about faith and that whatever happens I’ll always be with you,” she said. “She’s always been with me, and I think she’ll be with me. Just like I believe she’s always watching over my kids, my grandkids.
” She had words for a killer DeArmon has made a point of being present not just for the commemorations. She’s also been front and center in seeking justice. She attended the trials of both the bomber, Timothy McVeigh, and his accomplice, Terry Nichols.
And in addition to being seen, DeArmon has made herself heard. She spoke at the sentencing hearing of Michael Fortier, who was convicted of failing to warn authorities about the plan. And while she could not see him in person, DeArmon made sure the man who killed her mother knew how she felt.
Shortly before his execution in 2001, DeArmon wrote a letter to McVeigh. She hopes at least some of her words registered. “I told him basically that I didn’t understand how he thought this was going to accomplish anything .
.. killing people to make a point,” she said.
“Hundreds of people lost people that they loved, or who were permanently injured or damaged. Flat out it was murder. .
.. He killed men, women.
He killed babies. That was really uncalled for.” She remains a proud daughter Losing a loved one to an act of violence is a big enough heartache on its own.
But having your loss tied to a high-profile event, the public anniversary of which brings renewed attention every year, can make the experience even more complex for survivors. Not everyone wants to be reminded, much less be in the spotlight. However, DeArmon will continue to embrace the opportunity.
“It’s an honor to go and to represent my mom and make sure that she’s a face that somebody remembers,” she said. “I am proud that I was her daughter. First and foremost, that’s the reason that I continue to do this.
” “And we’re there to support families of the injured and rescue workers.” She hopes also that the commemorations can touch hearts in ways that prompt actions. “We really should love and respect each other,” she said.
“I hope it makes people feel like, ‘Maybe I should love someone a little bit more. Say I’m sorry for something. Maybe I should be a little kinder.
’ “I really hope that’s what people take away.”.
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Left behind after the bombing: Tulsan explains why she keeps showing up for her mother

Tulsan Dawn DeArmon recalls the day her mother and 167 other people were killed in the Oklahoma City bombing and talks about why she keeps showing up for her.