19 hours Ago
What do I have in common with Rachel Zegler? She’s the latest incarnation of Snow White. Apart from pasty skin and a penchant for bright clothes, not much you’d say. But we’ve both felt the wrath of the keyboard warrior, that’s what.
So, while we’re busy blowing out the 145 candles on the Argus’s birthday cake, let’s not forget those lone mercenaries – aka readers – out there, ready to prick our bubbles, who help keep the whole show on the road. They do make me laugh – sometimes: “I don't know who the author is, but the ale must be strong where he lives.” Of course, the abuse Rachel gets puts mine in the shade.
I’m not condoning it. But unlike the unsuspecting wannabe councillor – take note those Westbourne & Poets Corner hopefuls – you must have some inkling of what’s coming putting yourself forward as Snow White. Entering that dark forest, you’re likely to meet one or two trolls.
Move over Rapunzel and your hair – she’s not worth it; and Cinderella with your slipper – whose shoes ever fit going to a ball? Snow White is the ultimate Disney princess. The gig doesn’t get bigger than this. You’re bound to upset someone, right? Just like calling yourself a Tory.
And that’s before Zegler decided that Snow White is a bit of a letdown – too kind, too weak and wilting, standing by her man like Tammy Wynette. Remember what Zegler said way back in 2022? – “It’s no longer 1937..
.she’s not going to be saved by the prince and she’s not going to be dreaming about true love - she’s dreaming about becoming the leader she knows she can be.” It certainly feels like 1937 right now.
But it’s not Germany this time. Hang on – weak and wilting did you say? Find me a woman today who’d put up with those men. Who wouldn’t run screaming from that total lack of deodorant.
And in the middle of the woods. Snow White would give Sigourney Weaver a run for her money. For Zegler, she was just too cheerful doing housework.
Actually, watch the film again – Snow White just bossed around those poor birds and bees. She does more whistling than working. She was a progressive multitasker.
No. You can’t insult the female Captain America like Zegler did and not get some backlash. Have you seen the comments? No? You mean you’ve got other things to do? That’s why you read this column.
But that’s where the action is these days. The comments are more entertaining than the film, the novel, the play and the views prove it. 6.
7m for one YouTube channel alone critiquing Snow White. And it probably costs 10 quid to run. Here are some of my favourite zingers.
“Rachel Zegler looks like a medieval squire boy.” True. “The United States military should use this movie as an interrogation tool.
” The Russians would quake at that threat. “Even Microsoft is rooting for this apple.” To the core.
Keyboard crusaders have even infiltrated the White House. Snow White is outed as a snowflake while the White House has turned full Star Wars with Darth Vader, I mean JD Vance – complete with designer eyeliner – running the show. He has chutzpah, doesn’t he? He just says it like it is – or like your 14-year-old son says it.
“I just hate bailing Europe out again” – like Vance is talking to some ex-wife he dumped who can’t get it together. And I love the caps lock: ‘I fully share your loathing of European freeloading,’ writes Hegseth, the US Defense Secretary. ‘It’s PATHETIC.
’ It’s like Stan in South Park whining I HATE YOU MUM. Begs the question – which one in the White House is Kenny? You’d never know this meeting was about bombing Yemen. It’s like they didn’t do history at school and don’t mind who knows it.
Oh not to be embarrassed by ignorance. It’s a talent I wish I had. It somehow takes the sting out of the comments I receive as a columnist.
You get used to it of course. And who says I don’t deserve it? Over the last couple of years, there have been a few funny ones: “Reading this was like spending a couple of minutes in an insane asylum.” “It comes across as drunk dad does texting.
” “Stroke inducing stuff.” “This guy is on drugs.” “McNair? Boring McBoringface!” “Address the issues in your house first, and price that there are still principled Tories.
Or chose to be a snivelling lickspittle, your choice.” You see, they teach you things like lickspittle too. Well, I can’t beat the trolls – so let’s monetise them.
Send me your best lines! I’ll open a YouTube channel and set them to music. We’ll milk this cash cow together. Alistair McNair is Leader of the Conservatives on Brighton & Hove City Council.
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