1 week Ago By Adriana Diaz
Don’t take the bait. When your kids start acting up, the best way to de-escalate is to “do nothing,” a parenting expert has revealed. And it’s not about ignoring them — it’s about taking a beat to get yourself in order before tackling the problem.
“This regulates adults more — or at least first — and that order of operations matters because when we regulate our own emotions ...
that’s one of the biggest things that helps them regulate their emotions,” Dr. Becky Kennedy , a clinical psychologist and mother of three, told TODAY . In an Instagram video, Kennedy shared a scenario when she implemented the strategy.
“I just had the smoothest, best morning with my kids before they went to school and I want to tell you exactly what I did to make that happen,” Kennedy said in the video . She explained that her daughter started the morning complaining about breakfast while her son whined about his dirty sweatshirt. Kennedy admitted that she would typically waste her energy trying to argue with her children but instead decided to simply sigh in response.
“Today, I chose to do nothing,” Kennedy said in her video, explaining that she took a deep breath, gave him an understanding look, sighed and acknowledged, “You wish the sweatshirt was clean,” and then watched as he chose another. “We had the smoothest morning because instead of engaging in a power struggle, or taking my kids’ words too literally, I just chose to do nothing,” Kennedy said in the video. “Highly recommend you try that.
” The parenting expert noted that children can tempt parents into power struggles which usually ends in crying and guilty feelings. “Nobody every wins,” Kennedy told TODAY. Instead, she advised parents to ignore their child’s first complaint.
If a child doubles down on their issue parents can simply say “Ok” and carry on. “In this state, parents have to choose between being effective over being right,” she said adding that, “Being right is a solitary existence — if you’re right, someone is wrong ..
. and you’re adding fuel to their fire.” If a child continues to whine, Kennedy shared that telling them that you believe them and acknowledge their frustration it can defuse their frustration.
“It comes down to our intention ...
if you’re thinking, ‘My kid is so annoying and I’m going to do nothing!’ your child will feel ...
judged and small,” she clarified. “If instead you’re thinking, ‘My job is to manage my emotions and my kid is having a hard time ..
. then your child will feel that ..
. as loving, supportive and sturdy.” She explained that despite the name of the concept, “doing nothing” actually does take some effort.
“When I am doing ‘nothing’ on the outside — meaning, I’m not taking the bait from my kids — I am actually doing a lot on the inside: I’m breathing, talking to myself ...
I’m regulating myself on the inside, so I can ‘do nothing’ on the outside,” Kennedy shared..
