2 days Ago
This week I decided I should watch I’m a Celebrity...
Get Me Out of Here! (Virgin Media 1, every damn night) one last time before I die. I’m not dying, by the way, at least not to the best of my knowledge. I’m hoping to live into a cantankerous old age of annoying Audi and BMW drivers by shuffling deliberately slowly across pedestrian crossings whenever one of them is waiting to get through, and embarrassing everyone else by complaining loudly about the inconsistency of my bowel movements.
What’s the point of getting old and decrepit if you can’t have a little fun with it? My reasoning is that if I watch I’m a Celebrity now, with a bit of luck, I’ll never have to watch it again. I think the last time I sat through it from start to finish was 2010 when ‘Doctor’ Gillian McKeith – who’s gone from spreading pseudo-scientific drivel on TV shows to spreading pseudo-scientific conspiracy theories on social media – kept having hilariously unconvincing fake fainting fits. Back then, there was still some entertainment value in it.
The show has hit several speed bumps in the intervening period. It was heavily criticised in 2017 for refusing to take action when contestant Iain Lee was clearly being bullied by a clique made up of Dennis Wise, Rebekah Vardy, Amir Khan and Jamie Lomas. More recently, Covid-19 travel restrictions meant it had to relocate for two years from the Australian jungle to a castle in Wales.
Then there was Ant’s decision to take a year away from TV to deal with his alcohol and opioid addiction, which left his pal Dec to awkwardly soldier on alongside temporary co-presenter Holly Willoughby. She spends most of her time just sitting, listening to the others and looking into space I’m a Celebrity has also been plagued for years by accusations of cruelty to animals, a chorus of disapproval that only grew louder when popular naturalist and TV presenter Chris Packham wrote a personal letter to Ant and Dec imploring them to halt the practice of contestants eating live insects. Having right-wing political blowhard Nigel Farage appear on the show last year for a reported fee of £1.
5m resulted in a barrage of criticism and a serious dip in viewing figures. Read more The fact Farage cannily avoided saying anything remotely controversial meant the entire season was a costly damp squib. There were rumblings ITV might be considering pulling the plug on the series.
No such luck. All they did was take a decision to not have any politicians this time. The broadcaster might yet regret not doing it because, three days in, this year’s I’m a Celebrity looks like it’s going to end up being the most tedious so far.
The big-name signing this time is Coleen Rooney, who’s also being paid £1.5m – three times her hubby Wayne’s yearly salary for managing Plymouth Argyle. So far, Coleen has neither said nor done anything remotely interesting, unless you count her reluctant, half-hearted recap of the Wagatha Christie affair, which she’s thoroughly fed up talking about, and a few seconds of her doing her morning workout away from the others.
She spends most of her time just sitting, listening to the others and looking into space. She comes across as nice, which is..
. well, nice. But it doesn’t make for exciting television.
The rest of the line-up sticks to the familiar C-list formula. There’s a soap actor (Corrie’s Alan Halsall, who plays Tyrone), a slightly fading pop star (McFly’s Danny Jones), a pair of talent show judges (Oti Mabuse, Tulisa), not one but two radio DJs (Melvin Odoom, Dean McCullough), one of the Loose Women (Jane Moore), a former sports star (boxer Barry McGuigan) and the inevitable “internet personality” (GK Barry). Barry – GK, not McGuigan – is this year’s performative screamer who shrieks hysterically if a leaf brushes against her.
So naturally, she and McCullough, who panicked and had to be let out of a sarcophagus during his trial, have been chosen to do the next one. The only moment so far that’s stirred any emotional reaction was when McGuigan broke down recalling the tragic death of his daughter, Nika, from cancer at 33. Even Ant and Dec seem tired of it all.
“What’s next on this wonderfully rich tapestry of television, where no two moments are the same?” asked the latter with a smirk. With a bit of luck, the chop. Rating: One star Read more.
