I was a messy man waiting for women to clean up

You’re lazy. You’re a child. Grow up.

You’re inconsiderate. Typical man. Just another excuse.

There’s a load of brown cardboard boxes piled up in my open-plan living space, offering nothing other than closed eyes and deep breaths. Yes, I’m a little bored, but I’m trying. The idea of sifting through stacked boxes and deciding what to keep and what to throw away seems entirely unrealistic.

Might as well be Mary Poppins’s handbag. Could do with a spoonful of sugar.Inside the boxes is stuff.

Stuff from my old place. Memories and missteps. Stuff I haven’t thought about in years.

Yet when I gaze inside, I can’t imagine throwing any of it out. What a waste that would be. No, I might need that business card – you never know.

My girlfriend wants to get this shit done.if(window.adverts) { window.

adverts.addToArray({"pos": "inread-hb-ros-inews"}); }We’ve only ever had a handful of arguments. This was one of them.

The thing is, my girlfriend understands that the reward from tidying up comes afterwards. She knows that even if the process itself isn’t enjoyable, the relief will make up the balance. I can understand this intellectually.

In practice, I feel incredibly overwhelmed. But I know we have to sort out these boxes. I do know it’s better to sort things out.

After two or three minutes of picking things up, deciding if it’s trash, flattening boxes, or moving boxes to the side, I feel an urge to sit down. Honestly, I’m not even thinking about it – it just happens. One second, I’m in the midst; the next second, I’m planted on reclaimed wood, staring into space.

My girlfriend gets a bit pissed off. Naturally, she says that all of this is my stuff and can’t believe that I’d just let her sort it out instead of helping her. I make it clear that she should also sit down for a second and then we can carry on together.

She emphasises that she just wants to get things done so she carries on. I feel bad for stressing her out, but I don’t really have the words to explain how difficult I’m finding it.The next day, the bad vibes caused by my shortcomings have lingered.

Understandably, she’s not over the moon with how much of the unpacking she had to do and gets a little short with me. Again, I emphasise that I wasn’t expecting her to do that at all; I just needed more time.if(window.

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adverts) { window.adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_tablet_l1"}); }She doesn’t like confrontation but makes it clear she’s not happy.

So I attempt to understand what the fuck is going on with me.In spite of having been diagnosed with ADHD, it’s never dawned on me just to search “cleaning with ADHD” on YouTube. Most people’s reactions to my telling them about my ADHD have either been, “Do you want to do meds?” or “Now you can feel less guilty about being insane”.

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that I had legitimate resources at my fingertips. I press search on YouTube and click on a video, and I can’t believe what I’m hearing.The first image I see is of a woman, a relevant one I’ll get onto, standing clearly, face-beaming, mind-open, addressing the viewers.

She begins to reel off relatable stuff about the difficulty of tidying for people with ADHD. In fact, she says that the process of tidying and clutter, and the inability to organise or zone in on the latent reward of it, often leads to being overwhelmed – overwhelmed, which results in having to sit down and take a minute. This is all within the first few moments of the video.

#color-context-related-article-3230785 {--inews-color-primary: #46A3E0;--inews-color-secondary: #EBF5FC;--inews-color-tertiary: #46A3E0;} Read Next square LIFESTYLE .inews__post__label__interview{background-color: #0a0a0a;color: #ffffff;}Interview‘I couldn’t get ADHD medication, so I self-medicated with mushrooms’Read MoreI know the phrase “feeling seen” gets thrown around a lot these days but f**k me. She really did explain exactly how I’d been feeling.

I had already feared that my cleaning struggles meant I was just another incompetent, messy boy who was waiting for a woman to do free domestic labour while I reclined in a leather chair to watch the game.I showed my girlfriend the video. In spite of her frustration being completely valid, together, we were relieved to hear this woman’s potential solutions.

One was the Pomodoro method – working in 25-minute intervals with short breaks in between, a way of tricking the brain into activating the reward centre by setting a timer for the chore.When we tried it, I ended up hyper-focusing on the boxes, knowing that the reward would be coming, and when the alarm went off, my girlfriend had to prise me away.Mess, cleanliness, housekeeping, sharing space.

It’s tough to get into because of all the gendered expectations and stereotypes. It’s hard to discuss because of all those images emblazoned into our heads. Certainly, in my circle, the roles aren’t fixed.

The state of my friends’ houses has a lot more to do with what side of their brain is being used and burned out. I find that the more creative the mind is, the more likely the place is out of order. Not everyone, but most.

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addToArray({"pos": "mpu_tablet_l2"}); }There are loads of decisions that people make in everyday life that I struggle to wrap my head around, mainly around nutrition, ambition and relationships. I don’t live with them, but there will be times when those decisions will certainly affect me.Am I better off attempting to gain a better understanding of why people do what in certain situations? Or should I photocopy a magical manual onto their existence and remind them confidently that they are simply getting it wrong because it’s not what I would do?We have a propensity to believe that there is a “right way to do things” instead of a willingness to compromise based on the specifics of a situation and how people’s minds work.

Jordan Stephens is a member of Rizzle Kicks and the author of Avoidance, Drugs, Heartbreak and DogsThis week I’ve been...

Performing...

with Rizzle Kicks. We had a small run of shows for the first time in around eight years. We dipped our toes in last year, and the response was so overwhelming we felt catapulted forward.

It’s odd returning to a previous livelihood in the midst of a whole different life. I’m embodying a past self but feel as if I’m experiencing everything for the first time. It’s a great feeling.

Plotting...

There’ve been strong calls for me to start my own podcast or YouTube channel for a while now, and it is getting a lot closer. Honestly, I’m happy that I haven’t dived right into it because I’ve just been learning. Trying to make sense of certain patterns and receive information.

I’m also often spurred into thought from being interviewed, and it’s a whole different beast leading the show. I appeared on dating expert, life coach and Sutton United FC co-owner Paul Brunson’s We Need To Talk podcast and feel as if I’ve managed to connect to a whole new audience whilst also connecting to Paul, which has meant a lot. I think he’s brilliant.

Lying...

down. I know this doesn’t seem great in the context of my organisational disorder, but it’s genuinely essential. Balancing multiple different creative outlets takes its toll on me mentally and physically.

Full transparency: I wish I had more days off. I’m working towards earning them. As we all are.

One day last week, my meetings ended in the early afternoon, and I knew I had to recharge. I’m also going to use this opportunity to finish reading Love In Exile by Shon Faye. Her articulation of addiction might be the best I’ve read.

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