I love my husband but I dread bedtime because he always wants sex and I rarely do

DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE my husband, but I dread bedtime because he always wants sex and I rarely do. My drive has completely gone and I don’t think he understands it’s out of my control. We have everything you could wish for.

We have no money worries, a lovely home and good friends. Everything is perfect except for the sex – and my husband is getting fed up. I’m 32 and things changed when I had our first child, who is now two.



Since then, my sex drive has returned a little, but it has been intermittent. We’ve tried everything – date nights, baths together, toys, watching pornography – but nothing helps me to feel aroused. My husband is 36 and he’s gentle and loving.

We’ve been together for six years. I’m now pregnant again and everything has shut down once more. We’ve had sex four times in six months.

It’s not enough, is it? I daren’t even have a cuddle with my husband because he’ll think I want to have sex, but nothing could be further from the truth. I feel old before my time. READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE DEIDRE'S STORIES Ian thinks Sarah's friend Tracy is a bad influence on her DEAR DEIDRE I fear family feud if anyone discovers I'm sleeping with my uncle’s girlfriend DEIDRE SAYS: Firstly, don’t feel so hung up on the amount of times you have sex.

Four times in six months is a lot for some couples. It is all about quality sex and a sexual connection. Just because you don’t want intercourse, it does not mean you’re not being sexual with your husband.

My guess is your lack of arousal is your body’s way of telling you you’re going to protect your baby at all costs. Unless your doctor or midwife tells you otherwise, sex during pregnancy is safe. But you call the shots.

There are lots of ways of being intimate without intercourse – my support pack, Sex Play Therapy, explains. If things don’t improve after the birth, you can find a therapist through The College of Sexual Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.

uk, 020 8106 9635). Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.

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