'I had a baby with a stranger I found online - our biggest problem was her name'

Fed up of waiting for Mr Right to come along to be able to start a family, more and more women - and men - are turning to non-conventional methods to have children. Thousands of Brits have turned to matchmaking sites that allow them to find a partner who they can share the responsibility of having a baby with, without the usual requirement of romance. Dubbed 'platonic parenting ', it sees those who are ready for a family make long-term commitments without a sexual or emotional connection, and it's slowly on the rise, particularly after lockdown put a halt to meeting people the conventional way.

Nick Farrow, 55, from Brighton, has a nine-year-old daughter Milly with his co-parent Rae, 51, who he met on Modamily, a matchmaking site for people looking to start a family. Below he shares his incredibly story of how he had a baby with a complete stranger. Ever since I was 35, when a friend's five-year-old daughter threw her arms around me and screamed, "I love you, uncle Nick!" I knew I had to be a parent.



But when I was 42, my partner, who I'd hoped to start a family with, broke up with me. I persevered on dating apps without success for a year but then I heard about platonic co-parenting, where two adults agree to have a child together without becoming romantically involved. While googling the subject I discovered Modamily and signed up straight away.

I first met a lesbian couple who I developed a great affection for but we decided our partnership wouldn’t be compatible. Then I met Rae. I instantly got the sense she was a good person: principled, articulate and easy going and we soon agreed to meet weekly to discuss all the aspects of having a child together.

We discussed questions such as names, education, child maintenance payments, parenting styles, discipline, screen time, rules for future partners, child access and school holidays. After five months, I popped the question: 'Shall we have a baby then?' Rae, who was then 42, nodded, smiled and said, "yeah, sure thing." We decided to use an insemination kit and four weeks later, we found out Rae was pregnant.

On March 9, 2015, Milly was born. When I held her for the first time it was like being hit by a love avalanche. Every atom in my being became brighter.

But then two weeks later I found myself wondering: If I love this little being with all my heart, and this little being was once part of Rae then maybe I'm also in love with her? I plucked up the courage to ask Rae if she thought we could become a traditional family but she smiled and said, "shall we just stick with the programme?" Although initially disappointed, I soon realised Rae was right. Our biggest test has been over Milly's surname. Rae didn't feel comfortable double-barrelling our names so in the end we decided to give her a unique surname and change our names to match.

Rae is one of the most principled and compassionate women I have ever met and our daughter is a happy, confident, fun-loving and sociable young girl. She is infectious and enchanting in equal measure with a wonderful sense of humour. I am excited by our journey, watching Milly grow and seeing what the future brings.

To buy Diary of a Platonic Co-Parent: One Man's Search for an Alternative Family by Nick Farrow visit nickfarrow.work.