1 week Ago
Dear Eric: My husband and I have had a very happy marriage of almost 30 years. He adeptly manages the household, and I support our family financially by running my own successful small business. But we have a very different view of what constitutes a "clean house.
" We were both raised by immigrant parents from different cultures and whereas my childhood family's culture prized cleanliness and orderliness, my husband's culture put very little value on these principles. Thus, while our current house is by no means a pigsty, it is very often rife with dust, grime and clutter, and I am often embarrassed. We do well financially and could easily afford a weekly visit from a housekeeper, and I have begged my husband to allow us to hire one, but his culture also shuns "strangers" entering the house for security reasons, even if it were a trusted worker.
Is there any hope for our household to live up to my standard, or will I just have to grit my teeth when we have guests visit? — Depressed About Disorder Dear Disorder: I don't see why his culture should win out in this dirty dustup. It's your house, too, and your own expectations and your cultural traditions should be honored, too. Also, if you bring in the money to pay for it, your husband's veto should have no power.
Now, maybe that's not how your marriage works, but you should at least have an equal say. The state of your house is causing you anxiety; this is a shared burden, not one you have to grit your teeth and bear. A few options: Frame the cleanliness issue as one that directly impacts the health of your marriage and ask him how you can work together to address it.
Or hire a friend who cleans houses, thereby creating a loophole in the "strangers" embargo. Or tell him to just ignore the cleaning you arrange like he ignores the grime. Dear Eric: I live in an area that in the summer gets over 100 degrees.
I have an acquaintance who is a lovely person. My issue is her clothes. She wears very short skirts or dresses.
When she bends to pick up her dog's business you can see her underwear. I personally don't care. I can easily divert my eyes.
But others might be offended, or she could get "catcalled." Should I say something to her? — Short Question Dear Short Question: No, please don't. Though you have good intentions, commenting on the length of her clothes is more likely to make her self-conscious than it is to help her.
Were it a single dress that was very short, I could see the logic in giving her a quick FYI. But this is her style and, presumably, it's comfortable for her. Better to have a friend who accepts her — and protects her against catcalls, should they happen — than a friend whom she suspects is judging her.
Dear Eric: I would recommend that "Moving On," who wants to dispose of her unwanted old yearbooks, consider the needs of others. Yearbooks are valuable sources of information of times past, not just for the people who attended the high school but also relatives, people doing genealogical research, later students at the school, professional historians and such. — Yearbook Collector Dear Collector: You're right.
Many of you wrote about how much you treasure the yearbooks of loved ones. Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.
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