1 week Ago
Dear Eric: My husband has a friend and coworker who he has known for many years. I've met his wife a few times and although we are friendly, we've never done anything just the four of us. My husband will hang out with his friend and has invited the couple to our home when I'm not home.
On one occasion, they came over to get ideas for their huge backyard project. My husband even helped them several times with their backyard. A few months ago, the wife had a huge birthday party at their home to show off their backyard and we were not invited.
A few weeks after the party, the husband told my husband that we were originally on the invite list but then removed because a couple of the wife's friends told her if I was coming, they would not attend. Skip forward a few weeks, and my husband got a call from this couple asking for a ride home because they had a dog with them and couldn't get an Uber. So, my husband dropped everything and helped.
I was angry and hurt. My husband is good enough to help whenever they need it, but we're not good enough to be invited to a party? My husband doesn't see what the big deal is. — Feeling Used Dear Feeling Used: What's going on with these catty friendsof-the-friend-of-your-husband who don't want you at parties? I have so many questions.
You don't know the wife well, but her friends dislike you enough to get you booted from a party? I'm presuming you know the backstory here, but it sure raises my hackles. I suspect that your husband's hackles remain low, however, because he probably sees the friendship as one that started at work and expanded from there. So, perhaps, to his mind it doesn't involve you.
I can see why the disinvitation would sting, and it's odd that your husband didn't take offense on your behalf. It's one thing to have friends of one's own. It's quite another thing to have friends who are actively anti-social to one's wife.
Even if it seems inconsequential to him, he should recognize the way this whole situation made you feel. Dear Eric: A few years ago, I gifted an extra EZ Pass toll device to my father and his third wife, my stepmother. My father passed away a year ago and my family have all been very inclusive with my stepmother.
She lives just across the George Washington Bridge from New York City and will go into the city multiple times a week or make other toll-eligible trips. A single trip is $15. Last year, the toll charges came to almost $2,000, and this year it is trending toward $1,000.
I simply never thought this gift would add up to this amount every year. While I am in a better financial position than my 79-year-old stepmother, do I discuss my concerns with her? Do I offer a fixed-amount subsidy? Or do I grin and bear the gift that keeps on giving? — Tolled Out Dear Tolled Out: The beauty, and perhaps danger, of EZ Pass is right there in the first two letters. It's so easy.
It's likely that your stepmother is zipping back and forth across the bridge without $15 charges racking up in her mind. So, reach out and let her know what's happening. Tell her that you're happy to keep paying for the gift, but that you'd love to find a reasonable budget for it.
Hopefully, she'll be understanding and come up with a solution that works for both of you, be it fewer trips, public transportation or sending a check. Get local news delivered to your inbox!.
