2 weeks Ago By Emma Specter
Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and given that we're fresh off one of the most contentious and politically divisive election seasons of our time, it's probably not realistic to expect a holiday totally free of drama. If you're one of the lucky few whose family is united around political issues, treasure those peaceful conversations at the Thanksgiving table; for the rest of us, it can be challenging to know how best to talk to loved ones (or, to be real, tolerated-out-of-necessity ones) about anything substantive. Beides, for many of us, these issues aren't “just politics”; they directly affect the way we live our lives and the safety and happiness of our families and friends.
While tapping out of such conversations doesn't feel like a responsible or realistic option in 2024, it feels equally dismal to simply accept a tense or outright hostile environment during what should be a joyful and grateful time of year. So, for some expert guidance on this issue, Vogue spoke to Dr. Audra Nuru, a professor of communication and family studies at the University of St.
Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota, about how to engage loved ones with differing views in a productive way (and, just as importantly, how to set boundaries when it feels like engagement is no longer good for you and your mental health). Find her thoughts—and some sample scripts she's provided for different conversations—below.
Vogue : How do you recommend preparing for an event or gathering that might include viewpoints you disagree with or find harmful? Dr. Audra Nuru : It's true that those kinds of encounters can benefit from a bit of preparation. I like to think of it like packing for a trip to a new and unfamiliar place—you want to be prepared for the expected, but also pack with an open mind for the unexpected.
So, before heading into that event, take some time to reflect on what topics might feel a bit sensitive for you, almost like checking the weather forecast so you can pack accordingly. Remember, everyone is coming to the table with their own unique experiences and perspectives. Embrace those differences with curiosity and kindness.
And of course, it's always wise to set healthy boundaries—that's like having a good map and a reliable guide to help you navigate any unfamiliar territory. Is there a subtle, useful way to redirect a political conversation that's starting to feel upsetting? First and foremost, prioritize the relationship. Remember that the person you're talking to matters more than proving a point.
Ask yourself, “How can I express my views while still showing respect and valuing this person?” Part of showing respect is acknowledging that you may have different perspectives. If a conversation starts to feel a little uncomfortable, try gently saying something like, “I hear you, and I hold a different perspective.” This lets the other person know you're listening and that their views matter, even if you don't agree.
Secondly, listen with your heart, not just your head. Truly try to understand where they're coming from, even if you disagree. What experiences have shaped their beliefs? What emotions are they expressing? And remember, even when it's tough, try to see things from their perspective.
Stepping into another's shoes, even for a moment, can foster understanding and empathy. Third, look for points of connection. Even in the midst of disagreement, there's often some shared experiences or common ground to connect on.
It can also be valuable to sense when a conversation needs a pause. If things are starting to feel tense, it's completely fine to suggest taking a break or shifting to a different topic. Ultimately, navigating difficult conversations with respect is about how we connect, even when we disagree.
It's about building bridges of understanding by making space for different perspectives. What's a respectful yet firm way to let someone know their comments have crossed a line? Using “I” language is such a powerful tool for navigating difficult conversations. Instead of pointing fingers, “I” language lets us shift the focus to our own experience.
Imagine saying something like, “I felt uncomfortable when I heard that comment.” It's honest, it's respectful, and it avoids making the other person feel attacked. When we own our feelings, it invites the other person to do the same.
It creates this space for empathy and understanding, even when we might disagree..
