2 days Ago
Don’t wait for a medical crisis to plan caregiving support for seniors. When the news broke that Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy, died in their home more than a week, maybe two, before anyone realized, the story haunted me — not because of the celebrity, but because it happens more often than we like to think. As someone who works in healthcare and with an aging parent of my own, it hit close to home.
Too close. We talk a lot about estate planning, trusts and wealth transfer. But we don’t speak enough about the invisible decline that can happen when an older adult lives alone and stops going out.
When they stop calling. When their medication runs low. When the “check-ins” turn into voicemails.
Until one day, no one answers. The truth is, aging in place is a wonderful thing, but only when done with structure, foresight and support. Without those things, it’s not independence.
It’s isolation. And the line between the two is too thin to ignore. Most people don’t wake up one day and decide to become caregivers.
It happens slowly. At first, you’re helping Mom organize her meds. Then you’re taking her to the cardiologist.
Then you’re calling the pharmacy, rebooting the Wi-Fi and noticing the empty fridge. What began as a few simple tasks quietly expands into something bigger — until one day, you realize you’re managing her life along with your own and your children’s. In my professional life as a healthcare advisor, I’ve seen this pattern more times than I can count.
High-achieving professionals adding caregiving to an already overbooked life, thinking love will somehow compensate for exhaustion. It’s noble. It’s human.
But it’s also unsustainable. Caregiving is a job. A hard one.
And the stakes are high. We are not only talking about making sure meals are eaten or bills are paid. We’re talking about recognizing the early signs of a stroke and knowing when shortness of breath is just fatigue — or something worse.
Being there when no one else is. And when the caregiver is an adult child already stretched thin by work, kids and life? The emotional toll compounds. The pressure can morph into frustration.
Parents don’t follow instructions, and their children — exhausted and anxious — get impatient and bossy. I’ve felt this myself. Resentment creeps in.
The relationship suffers on both ends. This isn’t to shame those of us who have taken it on. It’s to be honest about what it really means — and why getting the right help at the right time is not just wise.
It’s essential. Not all caregivers are cut from the same cloth. And as is often the case, adult children pick someone in a rush.
A recommendation from a friend, someone affordable, someone “nice.” But when you’re hiring someone to care for your aging parent — the person who raised you — it shouldn’t be an afterthought. It should be a process.
You need someone with experience, yes, but also someone with intuition. Someone who communicates well with both the older parent and the broader medical team. Someone reliable enough to be there when they say they will and honest enough to admit when they’re in over their head.
From my professional perspective, vetting a caregiver should be as thorough as hiring a financial advisor or a lawyer. You’re entrusting them with someone’s daily well-being, and the stakes couldn’t be higher. Families often underestimate this.
They assume that kindness and reliability are enough. And while both matter deeply, they are insufficient to manage complex aging. What you need is a caregiver who is clinically aware, emotionally intelligent and, frankly, well-supported themselves.
If you’re navigating this now — or know you will be soon — here’s what I’ve learned, both the hard way and through years of working with families: Start early . Don’t wait for a crisis to put support in place. It’s much harder to make good decisions under stress.
Don’t rely solely on family . Even the most loving child isn’t always the best caregiver. And sometimes, trying to be both leads to resentment, exhaustion and mistakes.
Vet carefully . Ask about experience with specific conditions. Test for communication skills.
Look for emotional intelligence. Call every reference. Have a care plan —not just for daily tasks but also for emergencies.
What happens if your parent falls, has a stroke or needs hospitalization? A good caregiver is part of that plan, but so is a broader strategy. Don’t confuse independence with safety . Aging alone may sound dignified, but without the right support, it can quickly become dangerous.
I’ve seen caregiving done right. I’ve seen it save lives, protect dignity and extend joy well into the final chapters. But I’ve also seen what happens when families wait too long, deny the need for help or assume they can do it all.
Hackman’s story shouldn’t just be sad — it should be a wake-up call. We need to talk more openly about what aging safely really means, and we need to treat caregiving decisions with the gravitas they deserve. In the end, the goal isn’t just to help our parents live longer — it’s to help them live well, and no one should have to do that alone.
.
