2 weeks Ago
Lately I’ve been seeing a pattern that’s been harmful to sensitive people I care about. It goes something like this, and I suspect it applies to lots of us:Imagine that lately you’ve been feeling sad and distressed by the suffering you see all around you. People you care about, both near and far away, are struggling with so many hardships.
You feel it all deeply. It affects you. Some days, it just feels like too much.
(I know, this may not be where you’re at right now. But if this is your reality, please know lots of people are right there with you!)Meanwhile, someone who cares about you — a partner, a friend or maybe a coworker — sees your distress and wants to help you feel better. So, trying to be helpful, they tell you: “You need to stop feeling everything so deeply.
You need to care less.”This person’s heart is good. They genuinely want the best for you.
But when you hear that advice to stop feeling and caring so much, what happens inside of you?If you’re like me, the first thoughts that come to your mind are probably something like this:Oh, no — now I need to pretend everything’s fine! My emotions are too intense. The way I feel is a problem for this person. So I have to get a hold of myself and pretend I’m OK.
Even though I’m really not.So now, on top of your very understandable sadness and distress at the state of things around you, you feel like you have to pretend that you’re not actually feeling that way, or at least that the intensity of your feelings is within some kind of acceptable parameter that won’t trigger alarm bells in anyone else.And that’s so lonely and exhausting.
Because, for you, caring less is not an option. Not really. So now you’re pretending you’re fine, but inside, your heart is still deeply sad.
You might even be good at pretending to yourself, numbing out and ignoring your distress. Lots of people are.Of course, sometimes putting our feelings to the side is important, like when you really need to keep your composure during a tough conversation with your kids, or at work, for example.
But as a long-term strategy? For many of us, it takes enormous energy. Plus, chronic numbing-out and ignoring our feelings just invites them to shift from our minds and hearts into our bodies, leading to insomnia, aching joints or a myriad of other stress-related physical symptoms.That’s not what I want for you, or anyone else.
And yet, that person who told you to stop caring so much? There was a grain of truth in there that I hope you’ll pay attention to.Their advice wasn’t what you needed. But still, they were on to something.
They noticed that you were in distress. Your beautiful, caring heart was trying to carry too much. And it was hurting you.
For sensitive, caring people, this can be a very real dilemma. How can you keep your heart wide open, let yourself care deeply and be present to other people’s suffering, without feeling overwhelmed and sad all the time?I used to struggle with this a lot. But a few years back, I received a teaching in my shamanic practice that continues to help me so much.
In one of my shamanic journeys, I was taken to a grove of old, old evergreen trees. Thick trunks, solid and ancient. Green grass growing all around them.
A feeling of deep peace was everywhere.The trees told me: Whenever you’re worried about someone, or lots of people, you can come here and write their names on our trunks. When you do this, we will hold them all in care, so you don’t have to.
We are strong. We can hold them. Just let the concerns and worries you’re carrying in your heart flow out to us, so you don’t have to hold them all by yourself.
Since then, I’ve taken the trees’ advice more often than I can count.Whenever I feel burdened by the weight of worry and care for others, I imagine going back to those trees and writing on their trunks the names of all the people on my heart. It feels like releasing each person over to a loving, strong protector that can hold them safe and sure.
And that has been an unspeakable relief.Now, I don’t have to try and hold everyone all by myself, stuffing more and more worries into my heart until I just can’t do it any more.I don’t have to do that any more, because I know I’m not alone.
So, what about you?When you feel overwhelmed by the suffering of the world, is there a way you could imagine letting it all into your heart, but then letting it flow out again, freely? Could you trust that you don’t have to hold on to it all by yourself? That there are other vessels of love and compassion ready and waiting to receive and hold it all safely, tenderly, securely?My blessing for you today is exactly this:May you know that you and your caring heart are part of a vast network of compassion and support that is always available to you, so you never have to carry it all alone.May you be well.May everyone you’re carrying in your heart today be well.
And for the ones your heart cannot manage to love right now, may even they be brought to compassion and peace at last.The Rev. Laura Horton-Ludwig offers spiritual guidance, coaching and healing for sensitive souls ready to reclaim their power, sparkle, and joy.
You can join her email list or get in touch at laurahortonludwig.com..
