1 week Ago By Firstpost
Young people are now lonelier than ever — and young men are the loneliest. For decades, young people have reported declining friendships, declining quality of friendships, and rising loneliness. This is more acute among young men and is affecting not just their personal health but is emerging as a societal concern as well.
In 2019, a YouGov survey found that 20 per cent of British men had no close friends, which was twice the rate for women. In recent decades, people had consistently reported feeling lonelier than before and the Covid-19 pandemic worsened the crisis as the world went into a yearlong lockdown and by the time the world reopened, many lost touch with friends, lost socialisation skills, and found themselves in near-permanent isolation — as if the lockdown never ended for them. In 2021, a study by the Survey Center on American Life found that since 1995, the number of men reporting a lack of close friends rose five times from 3 per cent to 15 per cent and the number of men having at least six close friends halved from 55 per cent to 27 per cent.
Only 20 per cent of men said they had got emotional support from a friend in the past week, compared to 40 per cent of women, according to the study. In 2023, the State of American Men report by non-profit Equimundo found that two-thirds of men aged 18-23 felt “no one really knows them”. While many such studies have not been done in India, mental health professionals say loneliness is not a first-world problem and they have seen a consistent uptick in patients struggling with it in recent years, more so since the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic, says psychiatrist Bushra Zaroor.
“Loneliness among young persons, particularly among young men, in itself has become an epidemic since the pandemic-induced lockdowns. While it is an issue in itself that affects a person’s well-being, it also leads to spirals that may drive a person into depression and anxiety,” says Zaroor, Assistant Professor at the Department of Psychiatry at Hamdard Institute of Medical Sciences and Research (HIMSR), New Delhi. What’s driving loneliness crisis, how does it harm? To be sure, loneliness has been a rising concern since before the pandemic struck, as the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has reported that nearly half of adults in the nation reported measurable levels of loneliness before 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic struck people like a sledgehammer.
“There are several contributing factors, such as cultural shifts around traditional friendship-building, more time spent online rather than in person, and challenges in forming meaningful connections nowadays. The pandemic undoubtedly heightened these challenges, isolating people during crucial years for social development,” says Zaroor. Loneliness has been on the rise consistently since the 1990s when the older way of life began to fade to make way for the life that’s today, such as life becoming fast-paced, the rise of internet that has continued to replace in-person social interactions, and an individualistic lifestyle replaced community-living that had been the norm for generations.
Among men, the problem is much more pronounced as the change has hit them much harder. Traditionally, for generations, men made most of their friends from their local communities, clubs, or places they volunteered at. Since the ‘90s, as the sense of community was weakened by hyper-urbanisation, clubs lost their charms, and little time was left for volunteering at local organisations that was a norm until just one generation back, young men began to lose avenues to make meaningful connections.
The changing world hit men harder as a 2017 study by University of Oxford researchers found that while women were better able to keep connections alive on phones, men needed one-on-one in-person interactions to keep a relationship going. Life became such quality time needed to make meaningful relationships was traded off for making it big in life, says psychiatrist Pratik Kumar. “For the sake of targets and deliverables, the quality time that’s supposed to be dedicated to family and friends has been lost.
What ends up happening is that neither the targets or deliverables materialise nor quality time with your dear ones. This leads to a sense of failure and loss of confidence and leads to loneliness,” says Kumar, who runs the Global Mind Clinic at Shalimar Bagh, Delhi. Young men are also victims of toxic masculine culture and patriarchy — even as many of them are perpetrators as well.
Anecdotal evidence shows the prevalent opinion among young men that deep relationships, open conversations around vulnerabilities, and mental health treatments are not masculine is widespread. Often, most of the people don’t even think about their mental well-being and even when they do, many of them delay seeking help because of stigma, says Kumar. Loneliness serves as the stepping stone for depression and paves the way for physical ailments as well, as it may lead to stress and wrong coping mechanisms like drinking or smoking or seeking relief in pornography.
Loneliness has been linked to a 29 per cent increased risk of heart disease, a 32 per cent increased risk of stroke, and a 50 per cent increased risk of developing dementia, and increases the chances of a premature death by over 60, according to US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s advisory in 2023. The risk of developing depression among people who report feeling lonely often is more than double that of people who rarely or never feel lonely, said Murthy. The consequences of the worsening loneliness crisis are not just limited to individuals or limited to their families, but are societal.
Young lonely men are very vulnerable to the toxicity of the internet, which further sucks them into isolation while giving them a false sense of community. Such a trend has fuelled extremism that has real-life consequences. A social disaster in the making Young men are joining online extremist movements in hordes with real-life consequences.
In 2018, a man drove a van into dozens of people in Toronto, Canada, killing 10 and injuring 16. He was part of the ‘incel’ movement, an online extremist misogynist movement of men who hate women. They believe that women’s purported rejection has driven them into an involuntary celibate —hence the term ‘incel’— life.
The Toronto incident is one of the several instances of incels attacking women, whom they identify as a common enemy. The incel movement, not unlike other forms of extremisms today, is primarily driven by the internet where lonely young men turn to forums on websites like 4chan and Reddit out of loneliness. Instead of a community that guides them to mental health resources, there they find extremists who suck them them into toxic masculinity and drive them into crimes.
Similarly, lonely young men have been used as cannon fodder by other extremist movements as well, such as terrorist organisations like Al Qaeda and Islamic State and the White supremacist movement in the United States. Instead of professional mental healthcare or positive online and offline communities, more and more young men are turning to extremist communities and figures online, visible in the wide popularity of the likes of Hitler-adoring Islamist and self-avowed misogynist Andrew Tate. In 2023, a YouGov survey found that 26 per cent of young British men agreed with Tate, who preaches that women should remain at home tied to men and produce kids, don’t drive, bear responsibility for being raped, and that men should be allowed to do whatever they like with them including rape, and they deserve to be beaten if they flag their male partner’s cheating.
Loneliness among young men has ceased to be an individual concern and has now emerged as a significant social crisis, says Zaroor, the Delhi-based psychiatrist. “The rising isolation among young men often creates fertile ground for them to be drawn into harmful online communities, often seeking identity, validation, or camaraderie in places that offer extreme ideologies and divisive narratives, such as Andrew Tate. This leads to a self-reinforcing cycle of loneliness and alienation.
Young men are particularly vulnerable to messages that exploit their frustrations, insecurities, and sense of disconnection,” says Zaroor, who also runs Mind Craft Neuro-Psychiatry Clinic at Nizamuddin, Delhi. Zaroor further says, “Influencers like Tate and communities like incel forums present a problematic ‘solution’ by positioning themselves as mentors, providing a sense of purpose and belonging — albeit one that can further entrench feelings of anger, resentment, or disdain toward society. Unfortunately, this can lead some individuals to radicalised behaviour, which is why loneliness crisis has larger social implications.
” How to address loneliness crisis? Instead of 4chan and incel forums elsewhere, there are numerous online and offline communities that promote a healthy atmosphere to connect with people. For example, Mumbai-based entrepreneur and producer Nikhil Taneja runs the community ‘Be a Man, Yaar’, which promotes feminism among men and positive masculinity. Treating loneliness requires a multifaceted approach, which includes helping people become more at peace with themselves, as well as strengthening their existing relationships and building new ones, says Zaroor.
Therapy offers a supportive environment where individuals can explore the roots of their loneliness, build emotional resilience, and develop practical social skills, says Zaroor. While there needs to be caution about people drifting towards extremism and acknowledgement of their radicalism, loneliness in itself cannot be antagonised. “Mental health professionals emphasise that loneliness is a common experience, one that does not define a person’s worth.
Therapy can empower individuals to navigate social challenges with confidence, fostering healthy relationships, and, over time, reducing feelings of isolation. Therapy can be both a way to find personal peace and a stepping stone toward a more connected social life,” says Zaroor. Therapy in itself may not resolve a person’s loneliness crisis, certain lifestyle changes are also recommended, some of which therapy can lead the person to.
While therapy helps a person build social skills, normalise vulnerability, build resilience through self-compassion, steps like reframing the use of technology and improving in-person engagement such as sports groups, volunteering, and joining reading clubs need to be taken by the person themselves, says Zaroor. Through approaches like mindfulness, cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), and self-compassion practices, people learn to understand and accept themselves, reducing self-criticism and enhancing overall well-being, says Zaroor. “This inner contentment can reduce the feeling of dependency on external validation and make social interactions feel less intimidating.
For people who struggle with social anxiety or awkwardness, therapy can provide tools to navigate social settings with greater ease. Role-playing, exposure therapy, and assertiveness training are some techniques therapists use to increase clients’ comfort with initiating and maintaining social interactions,” says Zaroor..
