Dear Richard Madeley: ‘My mother-in-law is insisting we change our baby’s name’

Dear Richard, I’m expecting a baby in the summer, and my husband and I are talking names . There’s a pretty, traditional Celtic name which she (we know it’s a girl) would share with a relative on both sides. It all seemed too good to be true, and of course it was.

My mother-in-law went absolutely postal. Her stepmother had this name and it turns out she has a litany of grievances (some of them quite justified) against her. I don’t want her to feel a twinge of pain every time she hears her first grandchild’s name, but I also think this is a chance to “redeem” the name – plus it’s unequivocally the one we want (and the first one we’ve been able to agree on).



What should we do? — P, Powys Dear P, That very much depends on how much you value your mother-in-law’s peace of mind. If even hearing this name spoken triggers some sort of PTSD in her, I suppose it’s possible she may in time become accustomed to it through frequent exposure. On the other hand, she may not.

There’s also the risk that she will resent you for, in her mind, riding roughshod over her feelings. It’s even possible that it could colour her attitude towards her granddaughter. Past emotional trauma can set down surprisingly deep roots.

It doesn’t have to make sense or be logical. Feelings are feelings. You ask me a straight question – what to do – so here’s my straight answer.

Have one definitive conversation with your mother-in-law about this. Ask her if she thinks she could get used to the name. Give her time to think about it.

But if the answer turns out to be “no” or “I doubt it”, I really think you should change your plans, out of sheer consideration for her sensitivities. I realise this will be a genuine disappointment for you, P, but I honestly think it’s for the best. You don’t want this thing to fester.

And after all...

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