Dear Abby: Would it set our hoarding sister back if we tell her we don't want her stuff as 'gifts'?

DEAR ABBY: My sister “Mary Ann” is a hoarder. She refuses all offers of assistance (physically and emotionally) to clear her home of the overwhelming amount of stuff that negatively impacts her life. Our extended family is thrilled that she has finally started to make an effort to sort through some of her “treasures.

” Unfortunately, we have now become recipients of birthday and Christmas gifts, some of which are opened, used, dusty and have animal fur on them. We do not want or need these “gifts.” I sense that unloading these items on us gives Mary Ann a feeling of comfort and keeps her from making difficult decisions that will lead to truly changing her thinking related to letting go of her junk.



How do we politely (and firmly) express to Mary Ann that we have no desire to receive her hoard, bit by bit, without reversing the progress she has made in attempting to address her disorder? -- UNHAPPY RECIPIENT IN MISSOURI DEAR RECIPIENT: You are not going to “fix” Mary Ann. Be glad she is taking baby steps to help herself. I do NOT think it would be helpful to “politely express” that you have no desire to receive her hoard, bit by bit.

Instead, accept the items and then quietly donate them or give them to someone who might use them. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.

DearAbby.com or P.O.

Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069..