17 hours Ago
DEAR ABBY: My mom and stepdad (“Hugh”) are divorcing after 20 years of marriage. Mom has been involved with scammers for the last two years, giving away money and her Social Security number. I no longer talk to her because of this.
She actually expected me to drive her places to meet these men and lend them her money! My stepdad and I started talking a lot about things involving my mom. We text each other good morning and goodnight. Hugh doesn’t have children, and my birth father is in Ohio, so I don’t see him often.
The problem is, my husband is saying my relationship with Hugh is “weird,” and he is feeling insecure. He says he thinks Hugh and I are attracted to each other. I’m a caregiver by profession, and I’m always there for people.
I told Hugh how my husband feels, and now I feel bad about this situation. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. — COMPLICATED IN CAROLINA DEAR COMPLICATED: If you value your marriage, look at this from your husband’s point of view.
Checking in every morning and every night with the man your mother is divorcing IS unusual. However, if Hugh had a hand in raising you, commiserating with you is understandable. If your husband feels threatened, perhaps Hugh can explain it to him.
Whether or not it allays his fears, it’s worth a try. DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful, intelligent and kind man for many years. We recently retired and are beginning to enjoy our retirement years together.
Over the years, we have worked through some tough chapters, but we still share a wonderful bond and respect for each other. The problem? We drink too much. While I would like to take breaks together or focus instead on healthy activities, my husband adamantly denies he has a problem.
He feels I should abstain when I feel like it but, basically, do it by myself, as he has no interest in forgoing alcohol — ever. Nor will I ever be able to drag him into any form of therapy or counseling. His father was a renowned therapist but a horrible father.
My husband is wary of therapy in any form. I’m just not sure how to move forward. — MODERATION IN THE WEST DEAR MODERATION: Here’s how.
Go online and scope out some of the Al-Anon meetings in your area. (I am sure you will find quite a few.) Attend some of those meetings and meet the members who are also involved with alcohol-dependent partners.
When you do, you will realize that you are not alone. Denial is part of the problem with people who have an addiction problem. Because things are not likely to change, you may have to learn to accept your husband as he is and find others who will join you in healthy activities.
DEAR READERS: On this day that celebrates love, I want you to know how much I value the relationship I have with you. Wishing you all a Happy Valentine’s Day! — WITH LOVE, ABBY Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.
DearAbby.com or P.O.
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