2 weeks Ago
We are raised to believe that rape is a horrifying but rare occurrence. A crime that happens in dark alleys. A crime committed by terrifying strangers.
A crime that the victim could probably have prevented if she weren’t out at night, hadn’t been drinking, were dressed differently or had fought back harder. This is a lie. If you talk to any group of women, chances are you will hear that most of them have experienced rape or been coerced into sex against their wishes.
Most of these sexual assaults are perpetrated not by strangers but by someone the person knows and trusts in a place where she feels safe. Of the victims who disclosed their relationship to the person who assaulted them when seeking services from a rape crisis center, only 8% said it was a stranger, with the greatest number being either a family member or an acquaintance. The intimate nature of sexual crimes makes it difficult to report, and the relationship between victim and perpetrator can make reporting even tougher, especially if the perpetrator is in a position of authority over a victim, has social standing or power in the community, or is someone the victim loves.
Rape is one of the only crimes in which victims are blamed for what has happened to them, intensifying the resulting trauma. Victims fear not being believed, being shamed and being ostracized by their community. They are justifiably concerned that the person who assaulted them will not be held accountable by either the criminal justice system or the wider community.
Arrest and prosecution rates are low, and in many cases a defense of “he said, she said” becomes one in which the victim is assumed to be the person lying. The difficulty in finding justice after sexual violence is clearly seen in the highly publicized case of Gisele Pelicot. For nearly a decade, Gisele was drugged by her husband, who then invited dozens of strangers to their southern France home to sexually assault her while she was unconscious.
As monstrous as this ongoing violation was, the perpetrators would not have been easily identified as monsters. Among the 50 men ages 26-74 convicted of raping Gisele were firefighters, EMTs, nurses and a member of the municipal council. They were well-respected members of the community who thought it was OK to have sex with an unconscious woman they didn’t know.
Most denied wrongdoing, and some are appealing their convictions, despite video evidence showing their participation in the assaults. Maybe you are still thinking that this is a one-off case in a country that doesn’t share our values. That something like that could never happen here.
The data tell us otherwise. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates about half of South Carolina women have experienced some form of sexual violence during their lifetime, with 29% estimated to have been raped. Reports of sexual assaults are common in the pages of our newspapers, and yet these are the tip of the iceberg given the low rates of reporting.
It is past time that we invest in prevention and that community members are ready to learn and to speak to others about how to reduce sexual violence. Although it may feel awkward at first, talking to your children in age-appropriate ways about sex and relationships is probably the most important contribution you can make to building their ability to have healthy, respectful relationships. We have to stop looking the other way and pretending that this is someone else’s problem.
If you are a victim of sexual assault, you don’t need to go through this alone. It’s vital to remember that it isn’t your fault — no matter where you were, how you were dressed, whether you were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or what your relationship with the person who assaulted you. Visit our online interactive map at sccadvasa.
org/get-help to find support from one of the 15 rape crisis centers that offer free and confidential services 24/7. In her final statement at her assailants’ trial, Gisele told the court that society must change its attitude on rape. “It’s time that the macho, patriarchal society that trivializes rape changes.
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It’s time we change the way we look at rape.” She is right, but to create this change, we have to have the courage to speak up, stop shaming victims and hold the ones who caused the harm and pain accountable. Sara Barber is the executive director of the S.
C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault..
