Asking for a friend: ‘My boyfriend’s sister keeps asking him for money, and it leaves him short sometimes. Am I right to be annoyed?’

Q: I’m having a real issue with my boyfriend’s relationship with his family. He’s the only boy among five girls, and they have always been really close. One of them has never really taken to me, but she is the oldest and really protective of him. She’s hard enough to deal with, but it’s his other sister that I am having a real issue with. She asks him for money a lot, and I admit it’s small amounts, like €20 or €50, but it seems to happen every week or fortnight. Sometimes it means that he has been stuck and has asked me for money. It does usually get paid back, but not all the time, and sometimes she has to be asked a few times. He usually changes the subject if I bring it up, and I can’t help feeling frustrated. The other sisters usually just don’t get too involved, but I wouldn’t be comfortable talking to them about this. I think they would all band together, and I would be seen as the problem. I don’t have a big family, so I don’t know if this is just normal in a big family. Is this really a big issue, or am I being too sensitive?

Q: I’m having a real issue with my boyfriend’s relationship with his family. He’s the only boy among five girls, and they have always been really close. One of them has never really taken to me, but she is the oldest and really protective of him.

She’s hard enough to deal with, but it’s his other sister that I am having a real issue with. She asks him for money a lot, and I admit it’s small amounts, like €20 or €50, but it seems to happen every week or fortnight. Sometimes it means that he has been stuck and has asked me for money.

It does usually get paid back, but not all the time, and sometimes she has to be asked a few times. He usually changes the subject if I bring it up, and I can’t help feeling frustrated. The other sisters usually just don’t get too involved, but I wouldn’t be comfortable talking to them about this.

I think they would all band together, and I would be seen as the problem. I don’t have a big family, so I don’t know if this is just normal in a big family. Is this really a big issue, or am I being too sensitive? Dr West replies: Time to tread carefully here.

This could be a sensitive situation to broach. Family loyalties are complex and come with years of background that influences current-day interactions..