Asking for a friend: I’m a single mum and men I date either see my child as ‘baggage’ or want their own family. Will I ever find a partner?

Q: I’m in my late 30s and I am finding dating very difficult. I have one teenage child and I don’t want any more children. I find men either don’t want to date me as a single mother or they want to find someone to have children with, and I don’t want that.

When I go on dates, I don’t seem to get very far before this comes up, especially as I am dating men also in their 30s. It’s as if they don’t see me, they just see ‘baggage’. My child is adorable and will be off to college in a couple of years, and we are at a good place in life.



I feel so frustrated people just hear that I have a child and don’t think beyond that. I’ve stopped mentioning being a single mother on my dating profile because I feel so disillusioned. Some dates have made little comments about me being a single mother and not being available, and they raised a lot of alarm bells.

I left my previous partner because it was a toxic situation, and I feel so wary of falling into that same type of relationship again. Am I destined to be single forever? Dr West replies: Online dating can feel brutal at times, and experiences that lack compassion only cement the feelings of frustration or despondency. I’m not at all surprised you feel how you are currently feeling as it sounds like you hit a brick wall each time you attempt to get close to a potential new partner.

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