8 hours Ago
Dear Eric:Many years ago, I was married to a woman who, after we divorced, admitted she cheated on me with a married man. She asked for forgiveness, and I took her back.Nevertheless, it didn’t work out and, fortunately, we didn’t have kids, so it was easy to finally get out of the situation.
I’m happily married now, and I hear she is too.I discovered some old photos that my mother saved that triggered some unpleasant memories. I contacted my first wife’s brother and sister and told them that their sister was an adulterer who wrecked two marriages, mine and the guy she cheated with.
The only person who doesn’t know is her father, who is now an elderly widower. On one hand, I feel he should know the true story of what happened with his daughter and me. On the other hand, I think that it’s enough that the brother and sister know.
Should I just drop it and move on? Tell dad the real story?– A Picture and a Thousand WordsDear Picture:If you don’t move on, you’re going to be actively inviting the kind of chaos and unhappiness into your life that you sought to escape by leaving your marriage. So, please don’t continue to tell her family members about what she did. In fact, it’s best if you don’t communicate with her family at all.
You’re no longer in a relationship, so this kind of reaching out isn’t appropriate.It’s understandable that the picture brought back hard feelings, but I’d encourage you to talk with a friend or with a therapist about how to better manage them. Trying to besmirch your ex-wife – even with the truth – isn’t going to make you feel better.
It’s going to create drama and strife for people who aren’t involved.With respect, it sounds like you want revenge. Judging from your experience, that’s a conceivable emotional response, but you can’t stop there.
Even if the family reached out to you, wondering what went wrong, you don’t need to engage. There are things that are unresolved for you from this marriage, but you won’t fix them by staying in the conflict. Give yourself the gift of freedom by processing what you’re feeling, finding healthier ways of managing those feelings, and leaving the marriage and its injuries in the past.
Dear Eric:Even before the pandemic, I worked a remote job full time from home. However, I have always had to deal with people (friends, family, neighbors, etc.) thinking that “working from home” equals “free to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
” I get a lot of requests to “just go out to lunch today” or “let’s have an early happy hour” or “let’s go shopping.” Mostly these come from people who are either (A) retired, (B) have either flexible schedules or (C) are on shift work that does not take place when I am working.I am very dedicated to my work and generally, unless I have a medical appointment or something of that nature, I am working.
Therefore, in response to these invitations, I have explained (multiple times) that I am working the same eight hours that everyone in an office works – but they don’t seem to be getting it. “You can take off just one hour!”I just keep explaining my hours, but I can’t be the only one going through this, right? What does everyone else say that can’t be construed as rude?– Eight-Hour DayDear Eight Hour:Some light rudeness might be in order because these people are just not getting it and at this point it seems intentional. OK, let’s call it “pointed directness.
”The shape and nature of remote work varies job-to-job. Some people can catch a happy hour or long lunch and not suffer any consequences, but most others can’t. Your friends seem to be willfully ignoring this.
So, I wouldn’t waste any more time and energy trying to explain it. If these requests are coming in during the workday, you might put those contacts behind your phone’s Do Not Disturb feature, so you don’t have to engage with them until you’re clocked out.You might also respond to the next invite with a firm reminder: “I work the same hours every week.
I want to see you when I’m off, but please stop inviting me to do things during the day. It makes me feel like you don’t respect me.”The barrier between work and home life can be harder to navigate when there’s no physical separation.
But you have a clear internal boundary, which works for you and for your job. It’s healthy to let people know that if they don’t respect the boundaries we’ve set, we sometimes have to remove ourselves for the health of the relationship.Related ArticlesAsking Eric: Now wealthier than her ex, woman debates paying more than her share of tuitionAsking Eric: Son’s older, long-distance relationship raises alarm bellsAsking Eric: With no work to do, husband stops engaging in lifeAsking Eric: Facing mortality, woman unsure whether it’s unfair to get a catAsking Eric: While trying to be an influencer, a friend crosses the line (Send questions to R.
Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O.
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)©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.Read Asking Eric Columns on Boulder Daily Camera, Loveland Reporter-Herald, Longmont Times-Call, Greeley Tribune, Fort Morgan Times, Sterling Journal-AdvocateRelated ArticlesAsking Eric: Now wealthier than her ex, woman debates paying more than her share of tuitionAsking Eric: Son’s older, long-distance relationship raises alarm bellsAsking Eric: With no work to do, husband stops engaging in lifeAsking Eric: Facing mortality, woman unsure whether it’s unfair to get a catAsking Eric: While trying to be an influencer, a friend crosses the line.
