2 weeks Ago
She feels like she’s living a “double life” hiding her partner from her sisters, but she’s scared they won’t approve. Dear Sahaj, My late parents immigrated to the US in the ‘60s with my three older sisters. My fourth sister and I were born here in the US, and I’m the youngest of five daughters.
My parents immigrated here to give my sisters a better life. I grew up always being told how much my parents sacrificed themselves for us. However, I always had the determination to marry the love of my life , and I never wanted to be told whom I should love.
Well, I took that to the extreme and always picked unavailable men because I was afraid to love due to the fear of my family not accepting my choice. I was told in the past I was disrespecting my father’s memory since my partner at the time was not Albanian. In your book, you discuss guilt and shame and the need to conform to immigrant parents’ expectations or else risk not being accepted or loved.
This resonated with me. Now that my parents have died, not only am I dealing with my grief, but I’m also learning how to be true to myself. I am in my 40s and I have found the love of my life, but I feel like I’m living this double life because I don’t know how to tell my sisters about my happiness.
It sucks to feel this way, but I’m trying to put myself first and realise I’m also important. How can I tell my sisters this is a person I want to marry without feeling guilty? – Forever Guilty.
