2 weeks Ago By Susan Shapiro
People are often much harder on themselves than others. When I felt slighted by our couples therapist a while back, I overreacted and caused a stir. My husband left him a message, demanding an apology.
My therapist eventually said he was sorry, and I forgave him, but my spouse held a grudge that sparked their 15-year estrangement. While the falling out inspired me to write a book on forgiving and apologising, I still feel terribly guilty about causing their never-ending rift. It turns out that the guilt I feel isn’t unusual.
“A lot of us hold ourselves accountable for everything that’s gone wrong with our lives,” says Judith Burdick, a psychoanalyst. “But if you overfocus on your faults and can’t forgive yourself enough to practise self-love, you won’t be able to really give or receive love from someone else.” Lack of self-forgiveness can not only be harmful psychologically but also medically, according to psychiatrist Vatsal Thakkar.
“It can lead to chronic stress and depression, which increases your risk of heart disease and cancer,” he warns. “If an inability to forgive yourself remains, you should look for professional treatment to help.”.
